Deciding to Find My Smile

Somewhere along the way between getting married young and raising kids, I lost my smile. I realized this while looking at my own kids’ yearbooks and remembering that I was voted “Best Smile” in high school. I’m pretty sure that was just because I smiled just about all the time. When did that go away? I wouldn’t say that I’m unhappy, since I do feel almost satisfied. Saying “almost” does make me feel a little guilty, but shouldn’t I be smiling everyday? Shouldn’t I feel thrilled to be married to a great guy that I love and to have the pleasure of raising two amazing children?  I mean, what happened? Where and when did I lose my smile? I feel like busting into Wendy’s bedroom and asking her to sew it back on like Peter Pan did with his shadow. Maybe if I had my own Never-Neverland, I would have something to smile about! I’ve decided to go on a conquest to get back my smile and learn to lighten up a little... To find my own inner Neverland. 

In order to do this, I am going to find a way to smile everyday. I’m not saying that I don’t smile ever, but I’m not smiling when it really counts. I smile at the cashier at the stores to be polite, when I see my kids get off the bus, that sort of thing. But I want to light up inside. I want my smile to really beam from within me. So everyday, I will find some way to make this happen. Maybe instead of worrying about if we will make it to dance or tutoring in time, I will twirl with my kids a little on the way to the car. Not sure if my 9 year old son will be up for that, but maybe I’ll just smile when he glares at me. I’ll have to throw in some Nerf time to make up for that, but that sounds like fun too! I think this will take some effort from me after years of forgetting how to be spontaneous, but the rewards could change my life. If I lighten up, maybe my kids will too. With an offbeat aspie engineer for a son and anxiety ridden drama queen for a daughter, we could all benefit from smiling. 

So let the smiling begin...