Thursday, June 30, 2011

Day 9 Cast a Smile

I am noticing some changes around here. I almost don’t want to reflect on our case of good humoredness in fear of completely jinxing our way back into freak-out land. Maybe it is all due to our vacation and taking a break from all scheduling, but I would like to think that it is in part due to me taking time to adjust my way of seeing things, at least attempting to make adjustments. I feel as though it may be rubbing off onto my son. As much as I would love to believe that, I can't say that I do completely. I know I'm smiling more and am more content in general. I have seen the same from him. 
I have noticed my son beginning to get frustrated and with a quick reminder, he is able to turn his emotions around. I’ve watched him smile more even in situations that I would have expected him to become serious and upset. Regardless of why, to see him smile abundantly is a conquest that I have long sought after through advice, books, therapists, doctors, and more before I ever considered my own happiness. I want nothing more than to see him light up and enjoy his life. Don’t take me as naive here, I know this doesn’t mean everything is “fixed” and all will be hunky-dory, but more smiles and less meltdowns is a step in the right direction. I know that there will be good days and bad days, but I would love for my boy to experience the better half of that equation. The day that I told my son he had Asperger’s Syndrome, I told him that every one has strengths and every one has weaknesses. I explained to him that his strengths were numerous and that we would work together to make the weaknesses that troubled him less troublesome. It would take practice, time and patience, but he is capable of anything he puts his mind to, especially with us, his family, working with him. I want to be right about that and I certainly don’t want to let him down. Seeing him actually accept a situation that may not have had an outcome that he so desperately expected, is like lighting a candle in a dark room. It starts with a small seam of light, but quickly casts a beautiful and warming glow upon those who have been in the dark room awaiting the flame to banish the anxiety of what could be hidden by the darkness. His smile sparks and my son’s face lights up. I feel grateful to see him glow and relieved to see the dark turmoil lifted from him. It’s both comforting and rewarding to us all and without a doubt, smile worthy. So here's hoping for more sparks of smiles for him, and that we all bask in his glow.  

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