Smile Log 112: Suckish to Smiling

So I know it's been awhile since my last post, and I'd love to have some major excuse for taking so much time away from my lighted keyboard, but the truth is simple. I got into a funk of not having the time and energy to grind out a daily smile. Oh, I've had plenty about which to smile and of course I've had plenty with which to antagonize myself and all of that should have made for good writing, but I believe I just got burnt out trying to come up with clever writing every night (and considering how few of my previous posts I could actually consider clever doesn't boost me).

But I'm back tonight. Maybe not every night, but I'll be checking in more frequently and trying not to take things too seriously.

So now to my smiles...

After getting my boy up and off to his bass lessons (thankfully, the burden of hauling the ginormous bass to school in the morning has naggingly been placed upon my husband.. thanks dear) and my girl on the big yellow bus, I was up to my elbows in dirty turtle tank. The last place you're going to find a smile. Trust me on this.

But what brought on my smiles today came long after the reptiles were swimming in cleaner waters and I, too, had my own thorough showering. They occurred in the company of my children, as usual, and they were the kind that built up from the I'm happy to see you today smile to the I'm so proud to know you smile.

I picked up my kids and the bass today (unfortunately, the burden of hauling the ginormous bass home from school falls upon me... you're welcome dear) and immediately I'm greeted by my son. I didn't get the "Hi, Mom!" or a "Hello!" or even a "HHOOONNNNKK!" which is quite the norm actually... for us at least.

"Mom, I need new Beys! Mine are suckish!!" he says to me with a mix of desperation and contentment in his eyes (by the way, for those of you without toys in your life, Bey Blades are glorified spinning tops.) I can see the possible tears in our very near future and that I'm probably going to take the blame for it somehow.

"Suckish, huh?" I say with a smile.

"Yes, no one will trade with me because mine aren't fast enough and they said they are suckish!"

Poor fella, life is hard when your tops don't spin fast enough to knock out other tops. Meanwhile, my daughter is skipping over to me and greeting me with a squeezing hug around my arm and a great big smile.

"So, do you know what type of Bey isn't suckish?" I reply, also with a smile.

It turns out he did know what he needed and planned a trip to the store immediately. But, oh no.. he's foiled by the dreaded MOM and her MOM-Dictated routines! Said routine is to go home, have a 15 minute break with a snack, then do homework. Everything else happens afterwards.

This, I just knew, would send him into those awaiting tears... Ahh, but no. He accepted the routine without any issue (Yippee) and I got to hear all about the awesome Beys on the way home with my daughter's random questions about what dogs are actually saying when they're barking. Hey, that's what it's like riding in my car. And I LOVE it. It makes me smile.

Just when I thought I'd gotten away with diverting attention away from the store, I realized that my beloved routine would still be upset. He wanted a non-suckish Bey, and he was going to get one. He went straight to work on his homework. No 15 minute break happening today! See ya later snack!

I hear him tell his little sister "If we get our homework done quicker, we can probably go to the store afterwards." Homework was done in half the time despite having extra pages to do. I couldn't help it. I had to smile over all of that! To see him set a goal and stay on task to accomplish it was like seeing angels appear to save me from the task of cooking! It was pretty darn miraculous, amazing, and unlikely to happen no matter how much I prayed for it.

So yes, we went to the store. He used his own money to buy new suck-less Beys and I even gave him space to thoroughly peruse that section of the toy aisle in private (I'm a helicopter mom so moving a few aisles down away from him was a big step for me despite the fact that he was in full view anyway).

Once home, we were all around the table together and no one was arguing. SMILE!! The Bey Blader was opening his new stash and modifying them to his need while my girl was painting her new horse piggy bank while discussing all the possible color choices a horse could be (I declared it was a horse of a different color, but I think the Wizard of Oz reference was lost on her). It doesn't get much better than that really. No melt downs. No arguing. No HHOOONNNNKKing. Just smiles all around.

Day 108 (Sort of)--Braving a New Smile

I've been on hiatus due to going out of town and having a crummy time. I should've taken the time to find a  smile no matter what was happening that was making me stray from my personal second star to the right, but I'm breaking away from the deviated path and finding my way back to Never Never Land once again.

My motivation to get going again? My children showed great courage today. Others may not have even noticed it or seen the importance of it, but my heart felt it and my smile returned.

My son stepped off the bus by himself today because his sister had joined an after school activity, and as he slipped out of his shoes and headed toward the pantry, he began to tell me a little about his day. Usually, I hear about the latest and greatest toy that all the kids are into right now and how someone has a rare one of whatever that toy is. Yep, I heard about all that today too, but he told me about something else that happened.

He told his friend, a friend he considers to be his best friend, that he has ADHD and Aspergers. He has never shared that with any of his peers before. He explained to me that his friend asked him what Aspergers was and my son said he wasn't sure. It's a syndrome he tries to clarify. Apparently, this spawned a conversation where my son said that this syndrome can cause him to get mad. This friend of his, whom I really enjoy and I am thrilled my son has in his life, must have thought this sounded pretty cool... kinda like the Hulk maybe. He asked if my son could get mad now! Love it.

His friend didn't treat him differently or ridicule him. He probably (actually, I'm pretty positive) already realized that my son could get mad easily anyway, but he didn't make my son feel ashamed. My son shared this sensitive information for the first time and it was a very big and brave step for him. I'm so very happy over it.

My daughter's display of bravery was a little different, but smile inducing all the same. Tonight, during a personal safety/anti-bullying demonstration held during a cub scout meeting, she joined in the activities as the only girl. Standing up next to boys wearing uniforms, and wearing her purple dress, flower headband and sparkly light up shoes, she tried her best to keep up and stand up tall next to the boys. This was after she was too afraid to walk across the gym to join them until they became close enough that she could slip into the line undetected. While the kids sat and listened to the instructor, she paid attention. When the instructor asked questions, she sat still... except once. She bravely raised her hand and spilled forth the answer in her tiny voice. For my very shy and anxious little girl, that was a big deal. I was so thrilled that she raised her hand! After hearing all the boys loudly vocalizing their "Yes SIR" and "Thank you SIR" replies, I expected to hear her get lost in the mix, but she spoke up without a problem. In my eyes, she shown brighter than the purple dress and twinkling shoes.

I welcome my smiles with open arms and put aside the infractions that pushed it from me.

Day 104 Supported Smiles

This time last year, I was worried beyond stress about what was going on with my son. The hours of homework that he couldn't complete, the frozen way in which he attempted to write and yet, couldn't manage to get anything on paper, the daily struggles socially and the constant learning I had to accomplish to make his life better took it's toll on me.

I read book after book, went from one type of physician to the next, stayed in constant communication with the school, cried through psychologist appointments, hovered over homework and projects, and provided reminders to chew food and brush teeth and, believe me, there was no turning it all off at night. It was always on my mind. What should I be doing now to help my son? It caused me to be tired, stressed out, and tense to the point that my back muscles jumped when rubbed.

All of that worry and studying has done us tremendously well! My son now has a diagnosis, he has an Individualized Education Program (IEP) along with an educational support team unlike any we've ever had. I'm still learning and I'm still advocating for my son, but I'm not so worried anymore.

I am finding support as well. With the Special Education Parent Teacher Organization (SEPTO), I have been able to meet other parents with the same concerns as I. Every child is unique, but every parent shares the same concerns. To hear what other parents are going through and to also hear what makes their child so damn awesome! I felt like I was part of a unit. I shared my experiences, concerns and plans and I listened while other moms and dads did the same.

I feel like I can relax a little now! Oh, I'm ever vigilant when it comes to finding solutions to help us during trying times and my whole body shutters when I read "Main Office" on the caller ID, but I go to bed thinking of my music or fall asleep while giving myself a reiki treatment. I haven't had to go to sleep wondering what would happen next with every pounding beat of my heart.  It feels amazing to have a teacher who listens to me, modifies homework, sends home study guides and actually posts the home work on the the school website!

I'm thrilled to have support and to be feeling better about where we all our right now. My son is getting to enjoy being a student, instead of crying about the hardship. The support of SEPTO makes me smile! The support of my husband during every chapter I read up upon and for dealing with the inevitable meltdown just around the corner also makes me smile. Seeing my son happy to return to school after scraping through his third grade class brings about endless smiles. This place where we all are in our lives now feels so much more freeing and uplifting and I know we're on the right path. We hit bumps in the road, but we'll make it. We have support and we have each other. With all of that, we can do anything and there's nothing that could enhance a smile more!

Day 99 Sibling Respect, Huh?

Siblings.... Sigh... There are days when I feel like my kids are always going to be bickering with each other and will forever be at each other's throat. There are times that it just drives me CRAZY!  They just don't seem to have respect for one other. I didn't grow up fighting with a sibling as there is a nine year difference between my sister and I so maybe I'm being delusional about expecting them to get along, but I want them to really try and be nice to each other. Is that crazy? They're supposed to love each other!

Well, after spending all day defending my son with the school, all I could think of is "Am I being irrational here?" From what I understood from hearing different point of views, was that my son became upset over a situation that was instigated by another child. My son was portrayed as a bully when he was actually reacting to another child's behavior. I wanted the school to be clear that he did not instigate this, he was reacting, he did not threaten or touch this other child, and that he just became upset. A very normal occurrence for him and something that we are all trying to help him with. My son is the apple cart that many kids on the bus seem to want to upset. This has been corroborated by the bus driver and other students as well. It really stinks for my son that he gets targeted, and then he gets in trouble for becoming upset. 

Some days, it feels like I am the only one going to bat for my son. I know deep down that that isn't really the case. My husband is right there with me and my son does have a pretty good support system in school. But there are still days I feel the burden. However, I must say that I was a bit surprised when I learned of a new defender. 

After picking up the kids from school, and heading out on a long car ride for a long weekend, my kids began telling me about their day. I heard a particularly interesting account of this morning's bus ride from my daughter. 

My daughter explained how one of her friends (to be perfectly honest, I don't particularly care for this "friend" as I don't think she shows qualities of a friend) said to her "Your brother is mean. My brother says he is mean." Now, when I hear this, I think to myself Oh, this is coming from the sister of the boy who has caused bruises on my son, rushed at him with his fist ready, and taunts him with two other boys on the bus... sure, that makes sense. 

My daughter's reply was "No, he's not." The girl repeated her previous comment and stated that she didn't think she wanted to be friends anymore. My daughter said "Well, I don't think I want to be your friend anymore." And then she preceded to sing about it. Not sure what that's all about, but she's an interesting girl.

I expressed my appreciation for her standing up for her brother. Honestly, I was ecstatic! She loves him!! Yay!! I knew it was in there somewhere! My son let his sister know that he gets picked on by the other girl's brother. I loved her response: "WHAT?! She lied to me! They lied. Well, I told my teacher she was hurting my feelings and that's against the classroom rules!" Hah!! 

Trying to be a good mom, I expressed again that I was so glad that she stuck up for her brother, but to not make a big deal about it any further. No need to continue on with the argument and cause more problems. Internally, I was doing a jig! I'm sorry, but I loved that she was standing up for her brother and she was willing to stake a friendship on it. And here I thought I they didn't respect each other. Well, maybe they don't, but at least she won't let someone else disrepect him!

When my son spends a good portion of his day dealing with social issues and getting taunted on the bus, I am so happy to know that he has at least one person there with him that he can count on to support him. It feels good to know that he was being defended by not only me, but his sister too. What a great thing to learn and a great smile to wear! 

Day 98 Skate Away

My son has had a rough afternoon. There's been some tricky business on the bus again and he's not completely innocent, of course, but he's being accused of some things that sound a bit exaggerated. I called around to some moms and had their kids tell us what happened and I've gotten a different account from what the school seems to believe. I'll be addressing that with them tomorrow.


But after being interrogated by a teacher he didn't know and the school psychologist only to be made out to be a liar (despite the fact that I've NEVER known him to lie) and then having a doctor's appointment which was followed up with homework, he needed some time to himself. So what does he do?...


He grabbed a skateboard. A board that he begged us to get him for Christmas a few years ago, but he's maybe ridden once. He donned a helmet. He headed for the driveway. I prepared to be heading to the hospital shortly. He's not the most coordinated kid you know.


I had nothing to worry about though. He peddled along. Wait, that can't be the right term. What do you call that when they kick off with their feet? Anyway, he pushed off with his feet right down the driveway and cruised (I know, that doesn't sound right either) up and down the blacktop. He was actually balancing himself. Who knew?!


Then he began attempting tricks. Say what?! Where are the car keys?! Is my phone on me so I can call 911?! But there he was, hopping with his skateboard (nope, not a technical term, I'm pretty sure about that) and trying something he called a Front Ollie (he said it, not me). He looked focus, and content.


I knew he was in trouble for what happened at school, despite it not being as big of a deal as it was being made out to be. But I couldn't take that skateboarding time from him. Well, I wouldn't have thought to ground him from ahead of time since he's never shown any real interest in it before. That might have been him being clever, but I'll give him that win. He needs it sometimes.


Watching him skate away his problems made me happy for him and it put a bit of me at peace as well. I was really concerned over the events that I was being told about and awaiting to hear from other moms for more details.


While he was skating away, part of me wanted to skate my worries away too. Instead, I gave him a thumbs up when he was successful, an "Oh well" shrug when he almost fell, and both of those were accompanied by a smile. I've found that a smile can be just as helpful as skating away, but without a helmet! Helmets are not good for my hair...

Day 97 Lunch Social Issues

I got the call today. The one I've known I would get eventually, thrilled that I hadn't gotten already, yet just as nervous about receiving.


My son's school psychologist called to let me know that, while my son is having a great year, he is struggling during lunch. I've only been saying that for three years! 


Lunch combines into recess and is pretty unstructured. Imagine about 100 kids all trying to talk louder than the next, rushing to meet their friends at the games and toys. Just try to hear the noise that reverberates off the linoleum and concrete. Picture the cliques of kids huddled around different games, some games you may not know how to play. Now, what many of these kids ignore you sometimes? What if some of these kids have called you names before? Maybe some of them are your friends, but you remember that you just snapped at them in class for being too noisy. What would you do with all of that? I would probably just find a quiet place to be by myself. Not my son though. He's still trying to join the groups and some days he's successful, and yet many days he's not. Today was a "not" day and unfortunately, filled with some tears.


As I talked with the psychologist, she made it clear that she believes that it's too noisy and she wanted to brain storm with me to find the best resolution for my son that didn't require isolating him. A quiet room to eat with a few invited guests would probably be great for some kids, but for my son, he would feel too cut off.


She told me about a book that she had entitled "Can I tell you about Asperger Syndrome? A guide for friends and family" by Jude Welton and offered to allow me to borrow it. The book is from the point of view of boy named Adam who explains Asperger's Syndrome (AS) from his point of view. As we read it all together tonight as a family, I was happy to see both my kids identifying with the boy in the book. No need for my son to feel alone in this after all.


I believe the psychologist would like us to begin carefully sharing his diagnosis with his friends. This book would be a great way to show AS to other classmates. I didn't commit to allowing that disclosure. I'm not sure if we're ready to share that information with other kids. I admit, it could lead to support, but let's face it, kids can be cruel too. I couldn't possibly make that decision for my son. We would all have to talk about that together and consider my son's input overall.


I believe he connected to aspects of the book and as he went to be with the book on his mind, he wore a smile. Many nights he has a hard time turning off his mind and feeling settled. Tonight, he went right to bed, was upbeat and loving, and he really smiled the whole time he was getting in bed and covering up. Seeing him consider himself as not alone in this and as the AS expert in our home (being an expert must feel pretty good... I'm no expert on anything really), is inspiring and certainly smile worthy. Anytime he smiles, I want to smile back ten fold! He'll be okay.... this team will get him there and lunch will be smooth sailing with smiles galore!

Day 92 His View

I've been encouraging my son to pick up our camera and start taking photos. Well, he's been taking photos for a while now, but I wanted him to start thinking about the hobby differently.


Ever since he was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome earlier this year, I've been looking up every video, story and first hand accounts I could find. When I found one that I thought my son could relate to, I would share it with him. He would give me his opinion. "Yea, that's like me!" "I do that too!"


I've expressed to him that I was thankful that these people recorded their thoughts in their own way so I along with others could have a better understanding of what their lives are like. This led to discussions on using the camera to express what's on his mind. Hey, it's easier than writing which he struggles with greatly.

When I asked him today what he would take a picture of to show how he feels about himself and about Aspergers and ADHD, to be honest, I wasn't exactly expecting any deep thoughts (I was just trying to help him feel important and confident about who he is... his thoughts matter).  I was surprised and somewhat wrenched by his reply, though. He said he would take a picture of a forest, which I asked him to explain. He said that forests seem lonely. That sometimes he feels alone and sometimes wants to be alone. He didn't seem bothered by this and so I didn't express concern. I suggested he go in the backyard and photograph that.

I helped him get set up and let him do the rest. I was intrigued by what he captured and how he played with monotone and color photos. I hope to be able to share his photographs with you, but at this time I'm choosing to wait until he's ready to share them himself.

When he was done, we loaded the pictures up and he was proud of his work. He explained his opinions about them as well and I was happy to show him how proud I was of him. He did a great job and hopefully, he's gained a new way to step away from stimulating environments (a little less tv time doesn't hurt either), a new form of expression, and another sense of completion and success.

What I gained was more insight into his world. And as I watched him standing on the edge the woods, I couldn't help but view his peering into the dark overgrowth in front of him similarly to how I look into his world. There's a lot going on in there and I'm just touching the surface. It's beautiful and inspiring.

As I photographed him, photographing what he wanted, he began photographing me. We have pictures of each other taking pictures of each other. It was good fun and he certainly made me smile.

Day 91 Lighter Time

9:26 My son calls my cell from school.


10:22 Ding! Voicemail (no missed call, just a voicemail). "Mom, could you bring me my card?" Crap, what card is he talking about?! Was he upset or is that his cold? Oh no, did he have a meltdown? I'm so going to hear about this, I just know it...


10:23 School secretary answers my call and reminds me that today was the library field trip and that they have already left.


10:25 I'm in the car.


10:35 I'm in line at the library to make sure there's no late fee (which there was). I have to pay that so they don't deny him the book.


10:36 My son comes walking down the stairs and stands right behind me without realizing it. He catches my eye. Oh boy... here it comes. I prepared myself for "Mom! You forgot to give me my card!" with tears in tow. I smiled hoping to diffuse any possible inflammatory remark, but it was a leery smile, one prepared to divert attention, but soothe the volcano. I hear "Oh hi Mom. Can I have my library card please?"


10:37 "Yes." Yes to a few things. Yes to his question. "YES, no berating!" I escaped unscathed. It is amazing. Yes, he handled an unexpected situation without blaming me for it. Yes, he handled the situation without losing it. He kept himself together. He moved on with his tour, I handed the card to his teacher and slipped out without notice.


From 10:22 through 10:36, I was mentally freaking out. I looked calm and cool, but internally, I was awaiting what history has taught me. That's a lot of stress in a short amount of time. When you carry a weight on your shoulders, a weight made of stress, fatigue, apprehension, and questions, a sudden clearing of that weight makes you feel as though you could float away. It is a freeing sensation, but one I considered purely mental.


But I couldn't help but smile when my husband came home, gave me one of hugs where he lifts me off the ground and says to me "You feel lighter." Smile...

Day 85 Don't Judge...

Lest ye be judged. I haven't read much of the Bible, but I'm pretty sure that quote's in there somewhere. I'm feeling like I did the judging recently and now, I'm feeling a bit like a hypocrite.

In past posts, I have touched on how my son has been bullied in the past by a small group of kids a year older than him. Nothing physical, but the public ridicule took its toll on him. I knew that some of my son's atypical behaviors fueled the verbal confrontations. He can be an easy target for those that are less sensitive. Despite working with the school and setting up accommodations to diminish the target on his back, I still felt and continued to feel that those bullies were just awful. Especially, the one boy, the biggest of the three little villains. I knew that he was the one that taunted my son. I could hear and see him yelling from the bus at times.

Now, I was also frustrated with the parents. I kept seeing them at scout meetings and wanted to approach them about the issues, but as the bullying was dying down and there hadn't been any more problemst. I knew that his parents probably thought of my son as the problem, and that their son was the innocent victim, but as everything seemed to be going fine on the bus, I decided not to stir the pot.

Until tonight. 

My daughter just so happens to be in the same class as Bully #1's sister. Tonight was the teacher meet and greet at the school and their mom was right behind me. Our daughters get along pretty well, though I have felt that her daughter can be a bit bossy (surprised?). 

As we waited to talk to the teacher, I casually made my way to their mom and stroke up a conversation. I gently dropped into the conversation about how happy I was with my son's class this year and with his IEP plan. That provided me with an opportunity to explain that my son has Asperger's and ADHD (HELLO! YOUR KID WAS BULLYING MINE!!). 

She clearly had no idea and went on to explain how her son has a seizure disorder that can make it hard for him to control his emotions. On top of that, he has to take medication to prevent the seizures, but it makes him incredibly irritable. She expressed how she felt bad about the situation on the bus and was glad that every thing had been going well lately. 

Importantly, though, I had no idea about this boy's situation. I judged him just like so many others have judged my son. And just like those "others", I was wrong. Lesson learned!

Oddly enough, I was talking to my son about bullying today. He seems to be getting along well with his classmates lately, which I partly contribute to his dye free diet (See Day 59 Riding Dye Free). He brought up a situation where another boy who has special needs came over to him and his friends. My son explained that he likes this kid because the boy is always wondering how things work, "just like me" he says! He said that the boy asked his group what they were doing and one of the boys told him nothing. I could tell something bothered him. 

I felt like maybe my son didn't agree with the "nothing" answer. He knew that they were obviously playing, but the other boy had been left out. I took this opportunity to tell him that we should always be kind to others. We definitely don't pick on others or make them feel bad. His response "I would never do that!" (Proud). Then, I went on to say that we can't allow others to be bullies either. If he were to witness bullying, say something to a teacher. If you see a child that's not being allowed to join in, then try to include them. He seemed to really think about this. I hope he's able to connect with that other boy that thinks like him too. I hope he's able to accept having new friends, but also be that friend to someone who may be feeling left out as well. 

Hopefully, my son and I both have learned from today. I will say that I felt incredibly grateful that my son considered the situation with the other boy today. His conscience knew that something wasn't right. I'm glad he discussed it with me. I have never doubted what a wonderful heart he has, though others have probably judged differently because of his low frustration tolerance, but that heart of his sure made me smile today. Love that boy.  

Day 81 Mom & Son Day

Hands down, my favorite part of the day, the part that gave me much to smile and be happy about, has left with sore and blistered toes. And it was well worth it!

I had to do some run some errands today while my husband and our friend accomplished some home repairs. My son was eager to join me on my outing since it entailed a home repair store and I was happy to have the company, especially his.

On the ride to the store, I noticed some antique tractors and equipment lined up at a farm and immediately pointed them out to my son. He, of course, thought they were awesome! While at the store, I used my phone to look up the events calendar for the farm (don't you just love technology these days?!), and was able to see that there was an antique tractor show going on there today. We would just have to stop by there on the way home! The fellas at home would just have to wait an extra half hour for their goods...

We got there and made our rounds. You have to understand something about my son to fully appreciate this feeling we both had. He loves anything with wheels, he loves anything wheels that is antique even more, and he loves machinery. Now imagine all of that wrapped up into one place.

I love photography. I would love to be better at it, but more than that, I would love for my son to take it up as well and he has shown a lot of interest in the art. I gave him my phone, since I didn't think to bring my camera along to the store, and let him take pictures of all the things he loved with it today (there's that wonderful technology again). These photos posted are all his images.

We had such a good time looking at everything and talking about how the machines worked and what they were used for. He took pictures, and I gave him some tips as well. We had a great time. I have to say, that this farm field was a bit unwieldy for me. I just so happened to wear cute little Ralph Lauren plaid peep toe wedges today. Not exactly pasture wear. But I dealt with it just fine.

One of the machines, was a saw that cut large tree trunks. The guy running it had a bunch of the round slabs of trunks splayed out onto the grass with a sign reading "Garden Steps Free". My son thought we needed about seven, I talked him down to four. We carried the steps up to the fence by our car and dropped the over the side so we wouldn't have to carry the up the hill, around the gate and then back down. As I did this, I hear my son yell out "Last one there is a rotten egg! Hahah!"

He was already half way up the hill!

Head start or no, and more notably, wedges or no, I was going for it! I ran up that hill after him, toes squeezing through those torturous peep toe holes every step of the way along the squishy ground. Back at my car, I was quickly realizing how much my poor toes suffered, but I didn't care. I just had to make to the grocery store and back to the house.

He still won, but we laughed heartily! Then, we checked our shoes for not so pleasant cow patty remnants. Phew! We were extremely lucky there! It was bad enough my son was a little stinker with his head start, but I certainly didn't want any thing else stinking us up!

When I pulled in the driveway and stepped out the car, the first thing I did was kick off those shoes! Right by the car! Ahhh, that felt much better. What a great day!

Day 71 Zen Thoughts on Mermaids

I awoke to happy news today that I will share at a later date, and that news brought on a huge smile, cheer, and a few tears. I'll go into greater detail in the future.

The next big smile inducers came from the aquarium. My son loves science and my daughter loves mermaids. Thankfully, you can see both at Ripley's Aquarium in Myrtle Beach.

I'm always amazed at how my son can become so incredibly observant and focused when we go to places like this. He is in control of himself and just absorbs everything! He would completely wander off if we didn't stay right on top of him. He doesn't complain about walking, he just wants to see it all. I don't fully understand why some situations are harder for him than others. He's completely comfortable walking amongst the noise and chaos of Manhattan, aquariums, zoos, museums, etc., but he can't handle school recess or lunch. I guess it has to do with social cues. Big cities and places like the one we visited today don't require him to process and interpret social cues, unlike the lunchroom and playground, which means he can relax and just observe the exhibits. Mental note: use this theory to our advantage some how!

My daughter, though, is the complainer. She was really only there to see one thing-- the Mermaid show! She wasn't going to be happy until that happened. Once she saw the mermaids, all thoughts revolved upon those befinned ladies of the sea.

"Mom, do you think mermaids are real? Are these real mermaids? Can I become a mermaid? That mermaid had tattoos... Can mermaids really have tattoos? Where do they get tattoos from?"

Then, she met one of the mermaids who, because my lovely girl was too terrified to speak to her, told of how she and Ariel were friends and playmates.

"But Mom, is Ariel real? If she is, isn't she a human now?"

I wouldn't give her a real answer, I just would say that there are stories of real mermaids, but no one knows for sure. If Ariel was real, and a human, she could just walk right into the aquarium and meet her friend here. Basically, my answers were "what do you think?"

My thoughtful daughter declared "Mom, I've decided that when I am born again, I will be born a mermaid." This child, the one who came up with her own method of meditation, has apparently contemplated this thought enough to come up with reincarnation? That girl can be so Zen at times! God love her!

Both my kids were quite in the Zen mode at the aquarium, at least after the mermaid show, and I love seeing them like this! You can see them taking everything in and churning it over in their minds. It's a beautiful thing and always brings a smile to my face!

Day 48 Meditate to Dormancy

A fellow blogger friend of mine has a weekly post entitled Meditation Monday that gently and humorously reminds us to take a moment to relax. While I did read the blog and think to myself That would be nice and all...  but I actually ended up using meditation throughout my evening. And I wasn’t the only one meditating...

I had a Reiki Master class tonight which involved a lengthy meditation. While I greatly enjoyed the meditation, I was pretty tired by the end of the class. Class is 7:00-10:00pm which means that my husband picked up the kids from the gym and picked up the slack with them. Unfortunately for him, it was a rather difficult night. 

My son was particularly short tempered tonight and especially irrationally adamant. For example, on the way home, they stopped at a sub shop for dinner. My son always gets a toasted ham and turkey, bacon, shredded cheddar cheese and mayo sub. My husband doesn’t know that, so it was completely confusing when my son was pointing to the shredded cheese and saying he wanted American cheese. After clearly asking for American cheese and verifying for certain that he wanted American cheese, that’s what was given to my son. Of course, that’s when he finally understood that he really wanted shredded cheddar. Panic and frustration sets in and begins to bubble over. 

*Think of a volcano... ground shaking, lava gurgling, under stress, but hasn’t yet erupted. 

He was upset, but my husband was able to settle him down. There were a few moments like this as the night went on and that volcano crept closer and closer to erupting until finally... 

My husband notifies the kids that it is time to get ready for bed. There’s griping (no surprise here). My son is sent to bed to read quietly. Now, I was at class, but from what I was told, I imagine it went a lot like this...

“But I don’t have my iPod!! I need it to read!!” 

To which I’m sure husband told him to go ahead and get it.

“It’s in Mom’s car and she’s not here!! I can’t go to bed without it!!” 

At which point he walks off and continues to get closer to eruption. 

My daughter displayed amazing (and surprising) heart when she offered up her iPod so he could feel better. He snaps at her and declines. He apparently spends some quality time hitting walls. 

*And we have eruption... 

He’s so upset about all of this that he states that he feels like he’ll die (Oh, the drama... thank you Asperger’s Syndrome). 

*Do you have a metal umbrella, because that lava is really raining down now. 

So that statement completely upsets my daughter and she begins crying as well. And that’s when I came home...

I walked in, greeted by the lovely but heartbroken, tearful face of my daughter who hugged me and explained that her brother said something that would give her nightmares (Yep, they were all awake still). I can hear a heated conversation coming from the kids’ room. As I make my way into the bedroom, I can see that my husband is at the end of his jump rope and my son is utterly overwhelmed. 

I take over, giving my husband a chance to settle down, and calmly explain a few things. “We may want our iPod, but we do not need it. If you feel upset, simply say that you’re upset and need a break. Hitting walls is never tolerated...” yada yada, blah blah blah. Well, he settled down and I put on a meditation mp3 for him to calm down to. He liked it so much he wanted to do another one. 

*Ahh, volcano lies dormant again. 

We may have to continue Meditation Monday around here...

On a side note-- As I tucked in my daughter and gave her kisses, she hugs me and tells me “I really missed you.”  That gave me a big smile and she got an extra long hug tonight!

Day 47 An Itch I Can't Scratch

My sunburn (See Day 44 I Miss My Hugger) is itching like crazy now that it’s healing and I probably look like I have fleas to everyone else. Despite that, I’ve had a good day! I’ve even been laughing at myself while trying to reach that not so easy spot to reach between my shoulder blades!

Our company left this morning which was too soon in my opinion, but we did all get to enjoy a breakfast of French Toast that I didn’t scorch beyond recognition (It’s a MIRACLE!!). Okay, maybe not enjoy, but it was food! Enough said. 

Maybe I could spray some benedryl on my back... If I lean over, spray it in the air behind me, it just might go where I need it. 

When it was time for our friends to leave, I was sad to see them go. I contemplated hiding the kids behind the sofa or some where. One of two things would’ve happened: 1. My friends would have left the kids behind (there’s no way) 2. My friends would have stayed longer (Yep!) 

But I didn’t hoard the kiddies. I let them go and missed them all dearly when they were gone. There’s something so brightening about having toddlers back in the home. I get that itch to have a third child from time to time... an itch.. 

Where’s a Backscratcher when you need one? Oh, yea... He's off fishing somewhere... Rubbing my back up against the couch cushions isn’t working nearly as well... “Hey kids... Come here a sec...” I knew those kids of mine would come in handy!

But the highlight of my evening was my son howling with laughter at a television show. Now, typically, he watches shows that are funny, but he doesn’t realize it. He tends to watch shows such as “Top Gear” which he absorbs all the information from, but doesn’t really get the humor (he does tend to add in a british accent occasionally though which gets me laughing). But tonight, I had put on a DVR’d episode of “The Marriage Ref” and that show flipped his giggle box right over! As a child that I don’t see laugh nearly enough, I could watch this anomaly for hours on end!  

Ahhh... Found my daughter’s butterfly net! I suitable substitute for a backscratcher... That’s better... 

Day 41 A Puzzling Win

Or should I say, I Won A Puzzle!! A big 3000 piece puzzle! But that’s nothing in comparison to the size of the puzzle that high schooler Kaitlin Reilly is putting together. The 24,000 piece colossus entitled “Life, The Greatest Puzzle” has the Guiness Book of World Records’ title of World’s Largest Puzzle, measuring 14 ft by 5ft, and taking up 70 sq ft of table space. And thanks to Reilly, I’m getting a miniature version of it, sort of miniature... it is 3000 pieces after all. 

So why is Reilly, a high school student who holds titles such as “Youngest in the World to Complete Solo”, putting this puzzle together and holding contests? She has a goal to raise $24,000 through her Every Piece Counts fundraiser for Autism Awareness and Autism research, that’s just a $1 per puzzle piece! The Puzzle Piece has become the symbol for Autism Awareness with organizations like Autism Speaks using it as their logo. Please stop by her blog and consider donating to her cause.  

If you know me or read my blog at all, you know that my nine year old son was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome and ADHD. Asperger’s is a form of autism, but the autism spectrum is quite a large one. My son is on the very high functioning side of the disorder, meaning he had no speech delays and met all his milestones within the normal time frame. However, he struggles with social situations, pragmatic speech, and specific interests, just to name a few. I would love for more awareness to be made about the many faces of autism because there needs to be better understanding of how to help these children earlier on. My son wasn’t diagnosed until this year, so he (actually all of us) struggled for years without having better information and compassion from those around him. Unfortunately, it is quite easy for a child to go undiagnosed when they have Asperger’s which is why I feel more research and awareness must be done. I wish had known more about the Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) much sooner. We could’ve gotten him more meaningful help when he was younger. With that said...

Yay!!! I won!! Thanks Kaitlin! You’re doing amazing work! I can’t wait to get my puzzle... I just have to find a place to put it together (eh, we can do without a kitchen table for a while). I haven’t done a puzzle over a 1000 pieces before. Oooh, I’m so excited! I’ll be smiling for sometime over this one! Thanks again!

Day 33 A Focused View

One of the amazing traits of my son that can be both a blessing or a real pain in the derriere is his ability to hyper focus on something. Having ADHD makes it difficult for him to focus on one thing at a time. Many people get confused about this and it can be even more confusing with my son. It often appears that he isn’t paying any attention to you, that he can’t focus, but in reality, he’s actually taking in everything around him which makes it hard for him to retain what one of those things is saying to him. For instance, while he’s in class and the teacher gives a direction, most kids can turn their attention to the teacher and concentrate on what he/she is saying. My son will notice the teacher asking for attention and begin to focus on him/her, but then he’ll hear the boy next to him tapping his foot, notice a bird fly by the window, those kids over there are talking and shouldn’t be, “wish that he’d would stop tapping his foot”, “there’s Adam... wonder if he has his legos today, I want to show him how to build a submarine”, “Did she cut her hair?”, “Does he really have to keep tapping his foot?”,  “Great... now I missed what the directions were! I couldn’t concentrate because he kept tapping his foot!” 

You can see how this can be difficult to live with. 

On the other hand, his medicine for the ADHD helps him control his body and mind better. Without medicine, he can’t sit still for very long, fidgets, and rocks which gives him trouble when working on projects. When he takes his daily medication, he can accomplish more. His focusing becomes Hyper Focus! Seriously, someone should turn that into a super hero trait! The medicine seems to allow his aspergian traits to kick in. Actually, they were always there, just hidden by his impulsivity. He can sit down for hours and hours with his legos, for example, or go on and on and on about cars or weapons. He just goes into his world and would be thrilled to stay there for a long while. Unfortunately, his family breaks in from time to time. If we have to ask him a question or let him know that we’ll be going somewhere soon, it usually takes many reminders. He’ll hear the requests, but they don’t sink in or he can’t tear himself away. If he isn't ready to pull himself away, he can become frustrated and weepy.

It may not always be easy to drag him away from his targeted items and it can cause great frustration for him and us, but his Hyper Focus super power isn’t all bad. First of all, he creates wonderful inventions with his LEGO’s. He’s using his mind to engineer something new every single time. While he’s doing that, he’ll put his favorite television show on and watch that at the same time. He’s focusing on two things at once and absorbing every bit of it with success. I wish I could harness that ability for myself. Do you know how much I could get done?! It would be amazing. 

Well, I decided to do a little hyper focusing myself, just on a shorter time frame. I enjoy photography, but I just rarely take the time to actually enjoy it anymore. I decided to grab the camera and step out to my garden. I focused on my favorite flowers, hydrangeas. I just wanted to get lost in a project of my own for a few minutes. Forget about all the other things on my mind and just take pictures. I don’t usually care to photograph flowers or work with macro photography, but I wanted to capture the color of my hydrangeas before they were gone for the season. I dove into f-stops and shutter speeds, white balance and ISO. I am not a real photographer and I would barely even consider myself an amateur, but I enjoy it. I loved immersing myself into that world, even it was just for about 15 minutes. It felt good to shut every thing out. It doesn’t surprise me that my son wants to go into his world. He has a lot stress and frustrations and his world gives him an outlet. So while I was out there, camera in hand, focusing on petals in the view finder, I not only captured the picture of that pretty flower, I saw how much my son needs his escapes. Through the viewfinder, I had a small glimpse of his world for a moment and that realization was like a flash going off. I got it! I finally understand! Who would want to leave that world that is so easy and stress free. No social cues to figure out, no misunderstandings, just you and your hobby. Understanding is half the battle and getting to that point is worthy of celebration. I'll work on the other half of that puzzle, but for now I'll celebrate by smiling. 

Day 20 Socks and LEGO's

For today’s reflection, I’m going to focus on my son. My 9 year old boy, the reason for so many of my smiles (and quite a few grey hairs as well), filled my day with bits of humor and plenty of proud mama moments today. And yes, I had plenty of smiles from the other members of my family, but I wanted to focus on my son tonight. 

First of all, I’ll start with the humorous part of the day. The socks... My son was very happy to take his shower this morning and prepare for his first day at camp. He was in such a good mood, that I got his clothes up for him and set his iPod up in the bathroom. See, the iPod is a timer in disguise. Normally, my son gets distracted in the shower, but when one song ends, he knows he should be done with washing his hair, or his body or whatever.. you get the point. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. Today, it worked!! He was in and out in less than 20 minutes and he used soap! I did happen to notice that he seemed to be wearing all the clothing I gave him, except his socks. “You didn’t give me any” he says to me. “Yes, I did. I put them with the rest of your clothes” I replied. I looked in the bathroom, didn’t see them around anywhere, so I told him just grab another pair, the other pair would turn up. And they did. Just before heading out the door for camp, I popped myself into the bathroom to use the loo. I lifted the toilet cover and... “Found your socks! They’re a bit on the soggy side though.” 

When my son finished LEGO camp, he immediately dove into telling me all about their builds. What he made, what they did with the builds, who was in the class, what the instructors did. He then took over my cell and began calling his father, grandfather and grandmother and told them all about it as well. We sent him in with a camera so he could share his creations with us. He couldn’t wait for me to post them Facebook for all our friends and family to see. I loved hearing him go on and on about his day. I knew he would be fine at camp, but I still worried that he’d get frustrated about something and become upset, that he might speak rudely to a counselor when he’s feeling overwhelmed or that other kids may not include him. These things are on my mind the entire time he’s at an event like this (believe me, I worry when he’s at school all the time). It’s part of the territory when you’re the mom of an aspie. But to hear him talk avidly about his day, pushed those thoughts aside. It’s a funny sensation when your heart fills up with love and happiness, yet you feel lighter at the same time. Of course, later, I wondered if he did have any frustrations at camp, but I didn’t bother asking him about it. He was happy and I wanted to keep him focused on that. If he’s happy, I’m happy. 

My son can’t wait for tomorrow. He’s already gotten his clothes up next to his bed so he can be ready for camp. Yes, he put a clean pair of socks with them. I don’t think he’s ever gotten his clothes up ahead of time. That’s a good sign. 20 minute showers? Clothes ready the night before? Can we have LEGO Camp every day? 

Day 19 Repurpose, Relax, Reiki

So what do you do when your day was filled with smiles and you realized how special all those smiles were when they were actually happening and not just at the end of the day during reflection? Cartwheels!! Ha, nope, I didn’t do cartwheels. I’m nowhere near coordinated or graceful enough to accomplish that... Remember Day 4? I did pat myself on the back and allowed myself to soak in the day!

I started the day doing things that generally don’t bring about the wonderful feeling of inner peace and joy, you know...cleaning and gardening. I know some people enjoy gardening and don a cute little gloves, kneel on those padded rectangular thingies and get dirty. That is most certainly not me! I’m no diva, but I do happen to like having clean nails and those gloves never seem to do their job. As for cleaning, I know there are some people (crazy people)  who like to clean (no offense to you crazies that enjoy cleaning). They find it therapeutic and purifying. I can understand that too if it wasn’t such hard and gross work. The gloves for that job aren’t so wonderful either. Today, though, I didn’t mind the housework and yard work. Okay, I could’ve done without the cleaning, but it was fine in the end, of course; however, the gardening was almost fun. My flower garden (looks like a weed garden) is a work in progress. I keep adding to it little by little. It’s not so pretty right now, but maybe one day it will be. What’s been fun is the repurposing part of it. My husband’s been cleaning out the shed and I’ve been finding new uses for some of the goodies he’s dragged out. The wood from a beat up bench (I broke it with my car, oops) became part of the walkway through the flowers, old buckets and ice shovel became a planter and decoration. That’s the fun stuff! 

In that shed was some sprinklers left behind from the previous owner as well, so we got one of them working. Presto chango, backyard water park! I smiled particularly wide when I watched my husband take a break, scoop up our daughter and run her into the traveling water spray. There’s not much more precious than a dad playing with his kids. 

Then there are the kids themselves. I had a good chuckle over the neighbor’s four year old declaring “I’m so thirsty! If I don’t get a drink a soon, I’ll die of a heart attack! Man, I’m sweatin’!” My son made me proud of him when he took a break from all the hubbub of the children’s games when he was feeling overwhelmed. He didn’t try to stick it out and end up yelling at other kids like he usually does. I’m so glad he stepped away for just a few minutes to relax and then joined back in. Way to go, son! And my little girl, the one terrified of bugs, had me out catching lightening bugs (or fireflies, whichever you prefer). For some reason, lightening bugs are cute and other bugs aren’t. She later drew a picture of us catching fireflies (I think this is what she prefers to call them) together and we both had huge smiles on our faces. It was an accurate depiction! 

Today was also filled with Reiki and that is always a great thing for me! I had a friend come over for her first treatment and she left wanting more, so I’m thankful that she enjoyed it. It always makes me smile to hear what someone says about their treatment, especially their first treatment. And when the kids saw that the Reiki table was up, they wanted their own treatments. So they each got a treatment on the big table before bed, which means I got to carry my sleepy little girl back to bed again. Yay! My son got off the table euphorically saying that he felt great and ready for bed! 

It doesn’t get much better than all that, and I’m grateful for every moment of it. As I sit here in front of this computer, I have to smile at myself too because I keep falling asleep and bobbing my head when I awake, fingers still on the keyboard. Sometimes you have to laugh at yourself too.

Day 17 Idle Kids

I was lying on my bed, taking a break when I reflected on how sibling bickering is driving me crazy! I’ve got to figure out a way to cut down on their quarrels. And it isn’t just the fighting, but the goading that goes on and the stubbornness. The diva is never wrong and can’t stand to proved otherwise, which my son loves to do every chance he gets. I’ve tried reminders, talking to them both, time outs, taking points away from their reward charts and taking away privileges-- and that’s all from today alone! I’m really starting to understand the phrase “Idle hands are the devil’s playground.” I think I’ll be finding projects or crafts for them to do from now on or I’m going to need the time out more than them! I purposefully left our schedules open this summer instead of signing them up for a bunch of camps. I spent the whole school year running from one place to the next. Whether it was vision therapy, basketball, social group, ballet, tutoring, school meetings, or the multitude of doctor appointments, the kids and I always had some place to be. It seemed that there was never a day of rest and it really took its toll on us all. Some of those things were important for my son with Asperger's Syndrome and ADHD, some were added because my kids should be allowed to have fun too! It also seemed unfair to make my daughter go to all these places for my son without giving her something that she could call hers.   

This summer I wanted to limit that as much as possible for all our sanity’s sakes. We only have track two nights a week, which the kids and I both can enjoy at the same time, and tutoring for my son two times a week. Okay, I did put my mini developer into a LEGO engineering camp, but it’s only for one week and half days at that. I have no doubt that he’ll love it and it will give his aspie brain an opportunity to do what it does so well, create new models. The week of that camp will be a busy one, but it’s only one week. After that, all of our events are scheduled so that we have long four day weekends. Gotta love a weekend getaway! 

In order to get through the less eventful weeks, I will need to squash the squabbles. No time better than the present to start practicing this. So, as I was trying to breathe and flow in the solace of my room instead of losing my cool and putting everyone to bed by 7:00 pm, I decided I needed to find a smile moment. I pulled out some treats, put in a movie of my choice (Oh no, I’m not giving them another opportunity to disagree on something) and made a pallet for the kids in front of the television. There’s something about a few blankets and pillows on the floor of a dark room that makes them quieter. Notice I said quieter instead of quiet, pallets aren’t miracle workers! It was better than the constant shift of children though. My son has this inability to sit, especially when the movie plot is getting more intense. He always ends up standing in front of the television! My daughter is constantly moving and most of the time, she is moving on top of you! You can now see why I like the pallet so much. Even when they're idle, they're not so idle. 

After the movie, I felt better than I did before I took a break. I did take the time to write a bit while the movie was on to prevent being up really late again, but as I sat here putting down my thoughts from the day, my daughter sat down beside me and promptly fell asleep. I’m going to end today’s entry so I can put her to bed. Yes, I could ask my husband to do it, but time slips by too fast and before you know it, I won’t be able to carry her in my arms. So I’ll pick her up, lay her in bed, kiss her on the cheek and smile knowing that I had another chance to cradle my baby girl. I’ll step across the room and kiss my son goodnight as well and tell him I love him. I’m sure I will think to myself  “They get along so well when they’re sleeping!” and smile as I close the door.