Day 64 Smiles To and At Home

Ohh, it’s been a long day. Packing, traveling, and leaving my pups behind (won’t be able to see them for two and half weeks) makes me tired! 

Thankfully, I had my mother riding shotgun, keeping me entertained with celebrity gossip and trying to fix my Ford’s CD error issue. We weren’t successful with the CD player that has decided to hold my Talking Heads CD hostage, so we’ll just have to keep trying there. I will say that I”m thankful she doesn’t complain about my singing. My personal concert is what keeps me awake and coherent on long drives and often tunes out the bickering in the back seat. I will say that the bickering wasn’t so bad this afternoon either. After a pretty rambunctious afternoon, I was expecting my kids to be particularly fussy on the ride home, but I was pleasantly surprised by their good humoredness. I can handle a long car ride with my sanity intact when they behave well!

As exhausting as that ride is, it did bring me home and waiting for me, an hour earlier than expected, was my husband. I was happy to see him stepping down off the deck to greet us, hugging us before we barely had a chance to get out of the car (remember, he’s a hugger). This Friday will be our 11th anniversary and I can still say, after all these years, he’s a good man, thoughtful husband, and engaged father. I’m thankful to have him in my life and willing to put up with all his endless basement and shed organization in hopes that one day I’ll be able to redirect that organization towards the pantry and kids’ room. 

Arriving home after a drive that was more pleasant than usual thanks to my company and being greeted eagerly by my husband made for a few gleeful smiles today. 

Day 17 Idle Kids

I was lying on my bed, taking a break when I reflected on how sibling bickering is driving me crazy! I’ve got to figure out a way to cut down on their quarrels. And it isn’t just the fighting, but the goading that goes on and the stubbornness. The diva is never wrong and can’t stand to proved otherwise, which my son loves to do every chance he gets. I’ve tried reminders, talking to them both, time outs, taking points away from their reward charts and taking away privileges-- and that’s all from today alone! I’m really starting to understand the phrase “Idle hands are the devil’s playground.” I think I’ll be finding projects or crafts for them to do from now on or I’m going to need the time out more than them! I purposefully left our schedules open this summer instead of signing them up for a bunch of camps. I spent the whole school year running from one place to the next. Whether it was vision therapy, basketball, social group, ballet, tutoring, school meetings, or the multitude of doctor appointments, the kids and I always had some place to be. It seemed that there was never a day of rest and it really took its toll on us all. Some of those things were important for my son with Asperger's Syndrome and ADHD, some were added because my kids should be allowed to have fun too! It also seemed unfair to make my daughter go to all these places for my son without giving her something that she could call hers.   

This summer I wanted to limit that as much as possible for all our sanity’s sakes. We only have track two nights a week, which the kids and I both can enjoy at the same time, and tutoring for my son two times a week. Okay, I did put my mini developer into a LEGO engineering camp, but it’s only for one week and half days at that. I have no doubt that he’ll love it and it will give his aspie brain an opportunity to do what it does so well, create new models. The week of that camp will be a busy one, but it’s only one week. After that, all of our events are scheduled so that we have long four day weekends. Gotta love a weekend getaway! 

In order to get through the less eventful weeks, I will need to squash the squabbles. No time better than the present to start practicing this. So, as I was trying to breathe and flow in the solace of my room instead of losing my cool and putting everyone to bed by 7:00 pm, I decided I needed to find a smile moment. I pulled out some treats, put in a movie of my choice (Oh no, I’m not giving them another opportunity to disagree on something) and made a pallet for the kids in front of the television. There’s something about a few blankets and pillows on the floor of a dark room that makes them quieter. Notice I said quieter instead of quiet, pallets aren’t miracle workers! It was better than the constant shift of children though. My son has this inability to sit, especially when the movie plot is getting more intense. He always ends up standing in front of the television! My daughter is constantly moving and most of the time, she is moving on top of you! You can now see why I like the pallet so much. Even when they're idle, they're not so idle. 

After the movie, I felt better than I did before I took a break. I did take the time to write a bit while the movie was on to prevent being up really late again, but as I sat here putting down my thoughts from the day, my daughter sat down beside me and promptly fell asleep. I’m going to end today’s entry so I can put her to bed. Yes, I could ask my husband to do it, but time slips by too fast and before you know it, I won’t be able to carry her in my arms. So I’ll pick her up, lay her in bed, kiss her on the cheek and smile knowing that I had another chance to cradle my baby girl. I’ll step across the room and kiss my son goodnight as well and tell him I love him. I’m sure I will think to myself  “They get along so well when they’re sleeping!” and smile as I close the door.

Day 14 Packing a Smile

I woke up on my own this morning! I opened my eyes and didn’t hear bickering. At that moment, I listened for the voices of angels singing and harps being strummed because it felt that heavenly! I looked to my side and my husband wasn’t there. I don’t think he’s gotten out of bed before me more than 10 times in our whole marriage so I was little surprised. I got dressed and headed downstairs and that’s about where the euphoria I felt began to dissipate. 

I wanted to get an early start today because we needed to return home in time for a sporting event for my kids. My husband needed to make repairs to his computer so he went to the shop with my son in tow. I started packing the car. Please understand that my husband and I disagree about what should be brought along when we go to my parents’ home for a visit. I know that if I want to exercise, I just need my sneakers. He seems to think we need every weight and workout tool known to man. He brings 4 fishing poles because there is a slight chance that he may go fishing. I know I’m not going fishing and neither is my daughter, and that his fishing buddy is out of town, so it would seem excessive to me. I could go on, but I’ll spare you. In short, I pack light, he packs tonnage. The problem wasn’t the overload of essentials/non-essentials, it was that I was being ignored. I had specifically said we didn’t need all that equipment before I went out of town. I had specifically said I wanted to leave early, and due to the dent in the computer that needed to be fixed immediately for some reason, I was leaving late. This form of inattention occurs frequently enough to drive me batty. I feel like yelling “Hello? Are you hearing me?” I was boiling over, but I thankfully had a lengthy car ride to ease me out of it. 


I ended up getting home with 30 minutes to get the kids and myself ready for the track. I got it done and I didn’t lose my cool as we were heading out the door, so that felt pretty good. We got there just in time to sign in and disperse, which led to a few smiles around the track. I enjoyed seeing my son get picked as a helper and watching both my kids run the track with pride and motivation. The bonus for me at the track was that I ran with a friend and had a conversation with someone who wasn’t still in elementary school or a relative. That doesn’t happen often enough, so I appreciate when it happens. Another great thing about this evening? I barely had to unpack that conglomeration of vital tackle and training gear, so I was thrilled! You know what you need to pack for a smile? Just a good thought! I do like packing light and memories take up absolutely no trunk space!

Day 13 Painted Smiles

I’m in the parking lot of a grocery store, peering into the trunk of my car. I really do attempt to prepare myself for any occasion by stocking my car with anything I can imagine that could come in handy! Need a place to sit while visiting a playground? I’ve got blankets for that. Does someone want to play baseball while out and about? I’ve got a bat and whiffle balls just for the occasion and a football if you change your mind. Oooh, paper cut? Yessirree Bob, I’ve got a first aid kit. Umbrellas, games, fishing gear, shoes, clothes and more, it’s all back there and usually fairly neatly stored. 


Today, I needed items to preoccupy the kids while waiting for the fireworks display. I’ve shoved glow sticks, sweaters, and balls in my bag, clutched blankets and a cute little fairy fold up chair and start off towards the fields. Wait, headphones! “Don’t close the trunk!” I grab headphones and turn away back towards the fields. Oh, you know what, I’ve got face paint! Yep, I have face paint in my trunk. What, you don’t?. “Open the trunk again!” After I’ve shoved the palette of  perfectly pretty pastels into my handbag, And I’m off to see the fireworks, for real this time. 


As I’m carrying this load across the parking lot to my awaiting family, I begin to feel burdened. Literally, I’m carrying quite a bit here. I’ve got the tinker fairy’s chair banging against one leg, my over flowing handbag falling off my shoulder, a blanket unravelling and I’m trying to keep my tied sweater from sliding off my waist. I picture that Breathe and Flow jump rope with a new notch in it and decide to use the mantra. I take a big, belly filling breath and release. I wasn’t exactly shocked to feel calmer or better, but I was surprised where my brain took me in that breath. I thought “What a great moment this night will be! Don’t forget any of it!” I was right. It was a fun, easy going evening, and I loved it all!

There were countless smile moments! We set out our blankets, I got out the face paint. My moxie-filled diva of a daughter sat in front of me and we began the artwork. I started one on her and she moved on to decorating me. We had a blast adding flowers, butterflies, angels and mom “tattoos” to our canvas of skin. 

Up walks more family and friends and what’s not to do, but smile! My son was in a great mood almost all day and it continued into the late night. Even almost throwing a football up an innocent bystanders behind by accident didn’t make him upset. And there’s nothing like cheap plastic light up toys to make a child smile either! The fireworks began, my daughter wore her headphones and listened to music to keep from having to cover her ears from the booms, and we all gathered closer to watch the spectacular event. It was stress free. We were all happy in that moment. The fireworks were great, but the moment was enlivening! It was a great evening and I will do everything I can to try and remember it all. And hey, now that I see how I look with multiple colorful tattoos up and down my arms, maybe I’ll design a real one to remember the evening. Maybe a few fireworks on the upper arm. Heh, well it was just a thought and even that one made me smile again! 

Day 11 Short Ropes

Remember that “Breathe and Flow” mantra from Day 5? Yes, well I forgot it today. Today wasn’t a continuation of the lazy days from before. We went outlet mall shopping and then returned home to a truck load of mulch in my parents’ driveway. My father and my son were already hard at work filling a wagon and dispersing the mulch and my son was loving it. I joined right in. No need to work out tonight! I am not known to be an outdoorsy type of person and it is not my favorite place to work either. Sure, I like sitting on the deck and reading a book, but that’s about where it ends. That being said, I enjoyed the hard work. It felt good to lend a  hand for my parents when they so regularly give and never ask for anything in return. All of that went well. Clean up was another story...

By this point, I’m tired and hungry. I left my son with instructions to take a shower and that didn’t happen. Even after walking him to the shower later, we still had to keep reminding him to get out. I should have just let it go, but it is one of those things that just irk me now. Why can’t he just wash his hair, wash his body and get out? Of course rinse hair and body too, believe me, I have to remind him of that as well. I should have just repeated “breath and flow” to myself when I was feeling irritated and I didn’t. I had to make my point and frustrate the situation further by counting down to him and shouting through the door that it’s time to get out now. Why didn’t I just walk away? Because I was frustrated already. I felt the build up of many small stressors throughout the day and allowed them to culminate into that very moment, a moment where, once again, some body didn’t listen to me and I felt the proverbial end of my rope slip away. Terrible terrible terrible! I have got to breathe and flow. I’m going to picture a long sisal rope. No, a jump rope like the ones from grade school! That's a more colorful and playful kind of rope. Stamped on the rope will be the mantra “breathe and flow”. I need to take that rope and mentally create notches in it through out the day at times that I’m feeling stressed so I can see when the end is coming and learn to avoid meltdowns at the end of the day.  I will practice more! I will practice with smaller situations and bigger situations. I will make mistakes, but I will learn from them. My jump rope will remind me to play more and stress less and allow me to see when I’ve reached a limit of stressful situations. Yep, that's what I'll do. Gotta love a plan!

On a more spirited note, I will say that seeing my son wave to me as we pulled into the driveway today was one of my biggest smile provoking moments. I loved seeing him brighten up when we arrived and run to meet us so he could tell us how hard he’s been working. Another big smile moment would be from my daughter. Miss priss was completely against the idea of working. “I’m in my best dress!” she declared when asked to join in. She eventually came out and got into the thick of it, even spreading mulch with her bare hands! The little insectophobe was out there shoveling, getting dirty and plucking weeds, well not the weeds with bugs on them, but she plucked a few. Her pride shone through and it made me happy to see her thrilled with herself. My kids are great source of my happiness and I need to focus more on that at times. I need to take more time to be happy with them and not just the dictator that gives orders. More playtime is needed and more smiles will come... maybe we’ll go jump rope together!

Day 10 Monster Smile

It feels so good to be lazy!! I took time to sit in the warm sun and read, put together a puzzle with my mother and take a walk with my husband. A girl can get used to this! While there wasn’t much happening today that I would really find worthy to share, there was one funny moment that made me smile...

My son arrived home this afternoon and decided to watch television. He’s a bit of a gear-head usually and apparently, I have an internal limit to how much I can withstand shows that review cars, auction cars, restore cars, build cars, wreck cars and etcetera, so much so that I am willing to watch just about anything else. And that is why I didn’t protest when he came across a show about searching for a loch ness type of monster. This show went off and he seemed to enjoy it. Afterwards, a new show about a chupacabra monster came on. I could tell that this particular show had a very intense, yellow journalism feel to it and I asked my son if he was sure he wanted to watch this. “Of course, I do!” he says. I figured I would just see what happens. I really don’t want to make a bigger deal out of it than necessary.  As the show continues, it became a bit too realistic to me and so I said that he should probably turn the channel if it’s bothering him. He changes it alright, but then he becomes weepy and upset--How will he know what happens now? I told him that I was giving him the choice to change it or not, but that I didn’t want the show to be upsetting to him. He leaps for the remote and turns the channel back to the chupacabra. I’m watching him carefully when suddenly the chupacabra jumps out into the scene! He sits bolt upright, mouth gaping, eyes big as saucers and looks to me. “I’m changing the channel. It’s freakin’ me out!” I may be back to watching how a car is made with robots in a factory, but at least I know that my son was able to handle the surprise monster attack. If he hadn’t turned the channel back, we would have had a long battle about a tv show. Instead, he watched more than I would have liked, but it didn’t hurt him. He made the decision to change the channel and now he understands why I warned him about it. After he changed the station, he was perfectly fine. I will not always allow him to make the decision, but this is one I can live with. There are a lot of real life monster moments that I won’t be there to warn him about and I want him to learn to handle those big decisions on his own when the time comes.

Not only did I have a bit of laugh to myself when he jumped out of his skin (it was pretty funny), but I can smile knowing he’s gotten one monster under his belt. Take that chupacabra!

Day 8 Mile of Smiles

It was another easy going day. I love summer vacation, especially when we don’t have places to be everyday. 

Today’s highlight was that my husband was able to join us at my parent's home finally. What I really enjoyed was taking some time for each other. I know this may not sound like quality couple" time, but we took a nap on the couch together! I don’t think we’ve been able to do that in years! If either of us try to sleep during daylight hours, our kids have an uncanny ability to lose any form of self-reliance. I have also noticed that they feel the need to inform us of their every move, which is great in some ways, but I don’t need to know that they’re going to the bathroom to pee. It can be particularly grating on the nerves when it interrupts you from much needed beauty sleep and I’m pretty sure it’s the reason I have to dye my hair so often. 

After the nap and a family dinner, my husband and I took a nice little walk around the neighborhood. It was time spent together and I don’t think we talked about anything stressful. Not one thing! It was just time with one another, reminiscent of when we first started dating and walked for hours up and down the streets of our city. As we walked along the unfamiliar road tonight, observing the surroundings, I found myself smiling and laughing like the old days. Each step along the mile or so reminded me that this is a man I enjoy having by my side. 

The kids have been playing well together today, for the most part at least. I tucked them into bed and gave them Reiki treatments. Reiki is a Japanese form of healing that uses energy to provide relaxation and well being. If you’re not familiar with it, it can sound pretty crazy, but I’ve been a practitioner for a few years and have been amazed by it. While I don’t actively seek clients with my hectic schedule, I do provide treatments to my family. As part our anxiety reducing techniques, I thought I would include regular Reiki treatments into our routines. I am hoping to give treatments to the kids for just a few minutes at night. The kids like getting the treatments and they seem to enjoy it quite a bit before bed. We’ll have to see how I do with that commitment. I can’t see myself doing that nightly, but maybe I can get a few nights a week in. The problem is, I’m in such a need of that beauty sleep that I tend to nod off during their treatments! Oh well, some Reiki is better than none and I always feel so much better after giving a treatment. It really is good for each of us and will only lead to more smiles down the road.