Five Years Later...

It's been five years since my very first post and let me tell you, so much has changed!

When I started this blog, I needed more self-awareness and gratitude. Over the years, so much has changed. I didn't maintain the blog as much as I had hoped, but the personal growth certainly continued. Despite some personal ups and downs, I have found myself so much further along on my journey than I would have expected.

Despite having more children than I did when I started this quest (yep, I now have 4 kids), I have more patience, compassion and I'm finding time to try new hobbies, looking for the one that speaks to me most. Some have been great new experiences, and some were experiences in humility. Who am I kidding, most were, but I did get some good laughs anyway.

I am still learning more and more about myself and what I need to do to be the best person, mother and wife I can be, but I feel so much more content about where I am now. I feel like my relationships with my kids and my husband are stronger than ever and I can't wait to see what smiles the future brings for us.

I'll try to keep updating in more timely fashion and share some great smiles!

Smile Log 113: Birthday Smiles

I woke up smiling today. It's hard not to when your son comes running in and announces "I'm 10 years old today!" Yep, it's his birthday and he was overjoyed.

He was, by far, the happiest I've seen him in a very long time, discussing his plans for the doughnuts that I would be bringing into the class and ensuring that I had enough for the three extra kids that join his classroom occasionally.

Upon arriving to his school to drop off the much anticipated doughnuts, I was greeted by the principal. He happily shared with me that he heard it was a big day! How did he know this? The principal patted me on the back and shared that my son stepped off the bus, declared that it was his birthday and did a dance for good measure!

Stepping off the bus, he was still smiling! He was a happy kid! Then, he saw his gifts on the table! Excitement exuded once again!

He ran down to see the cake I made in the fridge and even from upstairs, I could hear the "THAT IS AWESOME!!" that boomed from below. It doesn't show well in the photo due to the colors, but it's a skateboard cake. Check out Disney Family Fun for the directions as it was really easy and very customizable.

We had a great evening of playing darts and Jenga, followed by pizza and cake, and all was laughing and having a good time. Joined by family and friends (thanks to technology, those who couldn't be here  were there through iChat), we enjoyed the company of our loved ones and cherished the moment. 

So, my boy is 10 years old! Double digits, as one person put it, is eye opening for me, but if the rest of the year holds the same amount of happiness for my son as today did, I will gladly embrace my son growing up. I see what can be for him and how deeply happy he can be with himself and with the possibility of the day and future. No worries, no tension, just happiness. That's worth at least 10 years of smiles to me and nothing less. 

Happy Birthday Son!   

Day 107 Hey Mom

Hey Mom. Two words that never fail to make me look and, in general, make me smile. My daughter rarely says these words together. If she needs me, she just says Mom. If she is greeting me, it's a much more showy display. Something along the lines of "Mooommm!" in a growly, ecstatic way and she runs to me, grinning ear to ear, to tackle me around the waist. I would tell how much that just wraps me up with love and joy, but I'll spare you.

My son is the one that uses the "Hey Mom" phrase. He typically has two inflections. There's the "Hey, Mom?" which has a slight rise in his voice that lets me know to prepare for a question that could involve me either doing something completely simple or turning down a completely irrational request. "Um, sorry bud. We can't build a cannon today..." or "Well, I'm pretty sure you need a special permit to build a full size rocket in the backyard."

But the other way he he says "Hey Mom" is when he's greeting me. His greeting is the antithesis of my daughter's. It's completely nonchalant and monotone, but occasionally I will get an "Oh, Hey Mom" which makes me feel like he wasn't expecting me or something. I love the way he greets me, though. He gets off the bus, sees me and "Hey Mom." He then walks right past me into the house.

Today, when I heard his greeting, I really did smile. When ever I get a call in the middle of a weekday, I cringe! Really, I do. Today was no exception. I answered the phone and it was, *Sigh, the school nurse. My boy wasn't feeling so well.

As I got to the school and started to walk towards the building, I hear "Hey Mom." The window to the nurse's office was open and was calling out to me from inside. I smiled before I even saw him, and then I looked up and he was smiling at me. This is where I would say that I felt like my heart could've just burst from loving that kid so much, but I'll save you from that type of saccharine mush.

Speaking of mushy yuckiness, my son got sick in the car and my daughter wasn't too thrilled about that. I hear "Uh, Mom, it doesn't smell so good" from my daughter. Just picture this... She's pinching her nose with her right hand, her left shoulder is up against her left ear (covered by huge headphones already) and she's reaching across the top of her head to put her left hand over her right ear (also covered by huge headphones already) and all the while, she's desperately trying to continue playing her video game (which is why she's wearing headphones). I guess she didn't want to hear or smell any thing that involved my son being sick. She's taught me many things, and one of which is how to cover both ears and plug your nose at the same time. She was much happier when I pulled over quick at a gas station to throw out the throw up. Actually, I think we all were...

Day 105 Walking Tall

I felt like being a little taller today. Maybe the whole stay at home mom thing has been getting to me, but I have had a desire to kick it up a notch when I do the whole away from home mom thing, so I went for the heels today. I didn't have a whole heck of a lot to do really, but I wasn't about to stay home in my pajamas all day.

The shoes hurt the ball of my feet. And the feeling in my pinkie toe on my left foot will hopefully return by tomorrow, but who cares! I walked like I was born with those shoes on! I stood up straight, and tried to look important. The point is I felt good! 

After the kids got off the bus and homework was done, we headed out to the library. Yes, I wore the heels again. By then, the numbness had started in so I had nothing to lose. 

I love our local library! It's huge for one thing, for a small town at least. The staff is great there, they have amazing programs and it's all around fantastic. My daughter made a beeline to the Junie B. Jones books and I'm proud of the fact that she knew where they were! Then, my son had it in his head to get a skateboarding book for the non-fiction section, so upstairs we trotted! He knew exactly where those books would be located. On the descent from the second floor, a librarian commented on my daughter's great shoes and my daughter beamed brighter than her light up shoes!

During my own book search (I wasn't nearly as prepared as my kids), I looked back to ensure my crew was in tow. Yep, but how they managed to stick with me is a mystery as both of them had their noses in their books and their eyes glued to the pages. They both managed to tear themselves away and I lead them to the audiobooks section. 

After listening to Artemis Fowl during our last four hour car ride, my kids have decided that listening to a book is way better than actually reading one! There are cool accents! My son had a couple of books he wanted to read, but had been intimidated by their huge size (and to be perfectly honest, they would take him FOREVER and he's required to read 25 books this year so we can't take that long). He hopped on the computer and requested the titles. He felt quite accomplished!

Then, there she was! The substitute teacher that taught my son during the best three months of third grade, when his teacher was on maternity leave. She was happy to see him, she asked how he liked school, she encouraged him. She also asked me who his teacher was and new that it really mattered! I loved her! She should be cloned! She's now in a different district due to cuts, but of course my son still gets to see his less than favorite teacher from last year on a regular basis. Grrr... But that's okay, because he's doing great anyway and walked away from the chance meeting with a big smile! 

During check out, a librarian greeted my son who was front and center. She said "Hey, weren't you in the first grade book club?! I remember you!" He lit up! She remembered him! He loved that group, but it had been a long time since those meetings! He was rolling in pride! 

This morning I wore heels to be taller. By the end of the library trip, I walked taller simply because my kids were radiantly happy! I didn't need the heels after all and I'm sure my feet would have preferred that I would have figured that out much sooner than I actually did. Heh, they'll heal! 

Day 97 Lunch Social Issues

I got the call today. The one I've known I would get eventually, thrilled that I hadn't gotten already, yet just as nervous about receiving.


My son's school psychologist called to let me know that, while my son is having a great year, he is struggling during lunch. I've only been saying that for three years! 


Lunch combines into recess and is pretty unstructured. Imagine about 100 kids all trying to talk louder than the next, rushing to meet their friends at the games and toys. Just try to hear the noise that reverberates off the linoleum and concrete. Picture the cliques of kids huddled around different games, some games you may not know how to play. Now, what many of these kids ignore you sometimes? What if some of these kids have called you names before? Maybe some of them are your friends, but you remember that you just snapped at them in class for being too noisy. What would you do with all of that? I would probably just find a quiet place to be by myself. Not my son though. He's still trying to join the groups and some days he's successful, and yet many days he's not. Today was a "not" day and unfortunately, filled with some tears.


As I talked with the psychologist, she made it clear that she believes that it's too noisy and she wanted to brain storm with me to find the best resolution for my son that didn't require isolating him. A quiet room to eat with a few invited guests would probably be great for some kids, but for my son, he would feel too cut off.


She told me about a book that she had entitled "Can I tell you about Asperger Syndrome? A guide for friends and family" by Jude Welton and offered to allow me to borrow it. The book is from the point of view of boy named Adam who explains Asperger's Syndrome (AS) from his point of view. As we read it all together tonight as a family, I was happy to see both my kids identifying with the boy in the book. No need for my son to feel alone in this after all.


I believe the psychologist would like us to begin carefully sharing his diagnosis with his friends. This book would be a great way to show AS to other classmates. I didn't commit to allowing that disclosure. I'm not sure if we're ready to share that information with other kids. I admit, it could lead to support, but let's face it, kids can be cruel too. I couldn't possibly make that decision for my son. We would all have to talk about that together and consider my son's input overall.


I believe he connected to aspects of the book and as he went to be with the book on his mind, he wore a smile. Many nights he has a hard time turning off his mind and feeling settled. Tonight, he went right to bed, was upbeat and loving, and he really smiled the whole time he was getting in bed and covering up. Seeing him consider himself as not alone in this and as the AS expert in our home (being an expert must feel pretty good... I'm no expert on anything really), is inspiring and certainly smile worthy. Anytime he smiles, I want to smile back ten fold! He'll be okay.... this team will get him there and lunch will be smooth sailing with smiles galore!

Day 96 Girls' Day

Hubby surprised my son with tickets to the Mets game today which means...

GIRLS' DAY!

There have been many times that my son has been out for cub scout camping, fishing and what not, which leaves my daughter and I at home. In order to keep her from feeling left out, we began Girls' Day. 

While the boys were preparing for their day, my daughter caught on that we weren't going with them. She asked where they were going and I explained that they would be out all day. "So you know what that means, right?! Girls' Day!" I said. "YEEESS!!" was her ecstatic reply.

In the past, we've gone to the movie theater, had manicures, played games, or watched movies at home. Today was my favorite of all the Girls' Days!

We went to the library for a Girl Scouts event that was going on, but my daughter would barely say a word to any of the young scouts. She's so darn shy, but she did warm up a bit. For a dollar, she decorated a tile, planted basil and grass to take home and made a garden sign for the basil. 

And of course, we had to look for a book while we were there. She's into the Junie B. Jones books right now and after picking out a mushy gushy one, we headed to the checkout counter. The librarian saw everything she was carrying and asked her what she had planted. I was expecting to have to speak up for her, but she quietly answered! "This is basil and this is grass. I made a tile and a sign, too!" Ahh, smile!

Next on the list was manicures! Now, the shyness was put to a test here. She couldn't understand anything the women were saying with their heavy accents. At one point, a manicurist asked me "You're having two, right?" Unfortunately, she said it extremely fast and it came out more like "Youhavintwori?" My daughter looked up at me with her face scrunched up and said "What did she say?" 

We picked out some interesting shades and had a seat. They treated my daughter to nail art as well and she loved that they used sparkly colors to decorate. It was funny to watch her watch the manicurist. I read all over her face that she was scared to death that the manicurist would ask her a question! She seemed to get more spirit in her when she saw her pretty nails!

"So, what's next?" I asked. "Food, I'm so hungry! Cheesecake Factory!" While we were there waiting for a table and then waiting for our dinner, we read almost all of her Junie B. Jones book. She got her cheesecake topped with strawberries, her favorite. It was a good meal.

After picking out a Scooby Doo movie from the Blockbusters, we headed home, got in our pajamas, made some popcorn, got out a game and watched the movie together. It was a great ending to the day. A day filled with lots of smiles from the both of us. I'm so glad we had this day!

Day 84 My Parents Made Me Smile

My parents are my reason for smiling today.

Almost six years ago, my husband was offered a job at an animation studio. He worked tirelessly to teach himself the skills needed to land the position and I was thrilled for him to get his dream job. Problem with this awesome job, the kind where they supply their artistic employees with video games and pool tables to keep them creative, is that it is over four hours away from my family and friends.

Don't get me wrong, I love what my husband does for a living, I'm grateful that his job is on the east coast instead of making me head to across the country from my family, and I love that my kids have been able to be involved with some of the movie magic as well. But...

I am one of those people that loves being around my family. I need it, in fact. I can't help, but miss them all. To compound the feeling of missing out on so much of my loved one's lives, is the fact that I haven't made a lot of close connections here since we moved. I feel like I truly only have one friend here. I'm tearing up now as that sinks in. I guess I wouldn't be so bothered about all this except now, I'm here at this house every day by myself now. Kids are gone to school, and I've got a daily date with television, chores, and endless internet surfing.

Today, I had reprieve. My parents came in town for a quick visit, too quick really. We had breakfast together, just the three of us. I don't remember the last time I had a meal with both my parents without anyone else there! Then, it was on to the mall with my mom (she's constantly trying to buy me something). I felt so good to with them today. I really really needed it.

So today, I smiled as my parents watched my kids get ready for school and laugh with each other despite me saying it was time for the kids to brush their teeth. I smiled when they all went outside together to wait for the bus to come. I smiled as my parents smiled watching my kids board the bus. I smiled during breakfast and shopping. I couldn't help but smile when my parents waited outside for the bus to bring the kids back home and at how my kids lit up getting off that bus when they saw us (especially, when my daughter runs up to me, beaming from ear to ear and hugs me ecstatically). The simple event of watching my kids get on and off the bus, is an event my parents don't see often and some years, haven't seen at all.

I'll have to be happy with the smiles I had today and cherish them for all their worth. They'll get me through until I see my family again... which will probably be this weekend. I'll need family refueling by then and more smiles as well.

Day 82 My Fear 10 Years Ago

Ten years ago, I was working at a doctor's office. I was about five months pregnant with my first child. When I learned about the first plane hitting a tower, I felt shocked and deeply saddened by the loss of life that I knew would exist. I sent thoughts and prayers to those on that first plane and to those in the building. I had no idea just how many would lose their life that day. 

Then, I learned that we were attacked. That second plane hit and my thoughts turned to myself, to my unborn child. All I could think about was my child's future. This would lead to war, a war that could rage for decades. A deep fear set within me. I could be bringing into this troubled world, a child that would live with the repercussions of this event. My child could end up fighting in a war, forced into a life of survival. Dear God...

I remember walking away from everyone for a moment to just let the tears flow. I prayed that my child would not suffer from actions that I could not change. Already, I was unable to protect my child and he wasn't even born yet. What would happen next? 

It was time to think of others though. The future was uncertain, but it was time to think of those suffering at the the present time. I pulled myself to together and carried on with my day, trying to learn as much as possible about what was going on outside my little office. 

Though it was hard to find much to smile about in those following weeks, I can now look back at that time and be thankful for what I have. My son, now 9 years old, is learning about 9/11 in school. He asks questions about what happened then, but I'll never tell him the fear that struck through me that day about what his life could've been like. When he wears his scouts uniform, I smile at how handsome he looks and proud he feels, but I am still struck with the thought "Please, let this be the last uniform he wears." More than ever, today I am grateful that he and his sister carry a smile on their faces and have a life that I feared may not have existed. 

Day 64 Smiles To and At Home

Ohh, it’s been a long day. Packing, traveling, and leaving my pups behind (won’t be able to see them for two and half weeks) makes me tired! 

Thankfully, I had my mother riding shotgun, keeping me entertained with celebrity gossip and trying to fix my Ford’s CD error issue. We weren’t successful with the CD player that has decided to hold my Talking Heads CD hostage, so we’ll just have to keep trying there. I will say that I”m thankful she doesn’t complain about my singing. My personal concert is what keeps me awake and coherent on long drives and often tunes out the bickering in the back seat. I will say that the bickering wasn’t so bad this afternoon either. After a pretty rambunctious afternoon, I was expecting my kids to be particularly fussy on the ride home, but I was pleasantly surprised by their good humoredness. I can handle a long car ride with my sanity intact when they behave well!

As exhausting as that ride is, it did bring me home and waiting for me, an hour earlier than expected, was my husband. I was happy to see him stepping down off the deck to greet us, hugging us before we barely had a chance to get out of the car (remember, he’s a hugger). This Friday will be our 11th anniversary and I can still say, after all these years, he’s a good man, thoughtful husband, and engaged father. I’m thankful to have him in my life and willing to put up with all his endless basement and shed organization in hopes that one day I’ll be able to redirect that organization towards the pantry and kids’ room. 

Arriving home after a drive that was more pleasant than usual thanks to my company and being greeted eagerly by my husband made for a few gleeful smiles today. 

Day 56 Fall into Place

I awoke to my daughter petting my head this morning, ever so sweetly. Well, actually, I was brutally awakened by an alarm signaling it was time to wake my husband again, (I’ll spare you that synopsis again, but you can read about it here), but I did fall back to sleep. Then, I was awakened by my daughter petting my head. She didn’t ask anything of me, she was just sweetly caressing my hair. We both laid in my bed awhile, she moved on to petting our sleepy dog, who seems to be the only other one in the house that understands sleeping in, and I checked email from my phone before moving on to breakfast. My morning just fell into place easily. The rest of the day went just about as well...

My mom came into town today for a visit and that was enough to make me smile effortlessly, and that lingered on through our shopping. One of the things purchased today, were a pair of red, retro styled headphones for my daughter and we grabbed the last pair stocked in her favorite color. We bought the headphones and eventually made it out to the car to head home. My little girl, who was certainly ready for a peaceful ride home, asked to wear her new cool headphones. Unfortunately, I opened the box to find that one ear pad was missing! *Gasp! I would have to return them, but that meant that she would not be able to have the headphones in her favorite color and would have to settle for pink or even worse, white! What a world! But as I left the crew to settle down in the car with my mom, I popped back in to the store to make the exchange. I went to the table to grab a pink pair, but something else caught my eye... a red ear pad. Yes!! No need to exchange anything. She got the color she wanted after all and was glad she didn’t have to buy the pink pair, or worse, white! Ahh, I love when things fall into place like that! 

I also got a cool little Watchover Voodoo doll keychain today! I got a little guy who is called Gladiator and he is supposed to "To help give you strength to fight for all the things you believe in." I like the sound of that. It was also interesting that I would get this little fellow on the same day as my son’s Individualized Education Plan, IEP, arrived in the mail. While going over everything in the packet of information, I was glad to have that little guy spurring me on. I wasn’t sure about a few things on laid out for us, so I’ll be checking in with the district to discuss it. I’ll be sure to have this cool little figure near by to remind me to stay strong! Funny how that all worked out today...

It was a long day and I’m exhausted... falling asleep as I type actually. But I’m looking forward to a trip to the zoo tomorrow and thrilled that my mom will be joining us this time. Can’t wait.... At least tomorrow, I’ll be waking up to my alarm and not an unwanted one. Hopefully, every thing will fall into place tomorrow as well! That would be extremely smile worthy!

Day 55 A Spider Ate My Grump

I confess and understand that I’m ridiculously irritable today! More so than I have been in quite some time... at least a week! It’s lingered with me all day, through cleaning, shopping, eating, swimming, and even some of Reiki class. It all started this morning... an alarm.

Somewhere around 7:30, my husband’s alarm goes off. Of course, he doesn’t hear it and it’s on his side of the bed, so I have to try to get him to turn it off. See, I don’t do alarms during the summer. From September through June, it is my job to wake everyone up in the house, five days a week. Yes, I know there are parents out there that do it every single day and more power to you. I personally take the summers off. And yet, I have to wake up to the alarm so that I can tell my husband to turn off the alarm that he has set so that he can wake up to it. Then he falls back to sleep, so I have to remind him to get up. Occasionally, I can fall back to sleep, but I’m usually awake after that. So today, I woke up on the wrong side of the obnoxious alarm this morning. I’m pretty sure he has picked the most heinous sound option in order to ensure that he hears it, however it just means that I awake from peaceful slumber by jumping out of my skin. Grating...

I would have loved to have been over the rainbow today... 

(Didn't my mama take a nice picture?!)

It poured today! I mean it didn’t just rain cats and dogs, but lions and tigers and bears (oh my) as well! And it just so happened to be raining it’s hardest when I was due to walk through it, umbrella-less. My husband meets me at the gym to work out, I go to my class and he takes the kids home when he’s done. Clever me knew that he would have to go to my car to get the booster seat, so why not just have him drive the car to me at the entrance. We would both be saved from having to walk in the rain. That only works if he answers the phone, which of course, on the wettest day possible with flooding all around us, he doesn’t. I know, not really his fault. He just didn’t hear it. He was probably preoccupied with relocating the booster in the monsoon. Still, I had to walk, (couldn’t run in my wet flip flop wedges) to the car which wasn’t nearly close enough. I can hear you thinking “You’re not gonna melt!” Did you see Wizard of Oz? That mean green lady went down and I was feeling pretty mean myself at this point. I had preferred not to take any chances. Turns out, I’m not so mean, or green for that matter, as I am here to tell my tale. But alas, in all my soggy glory, I had to go to my class. Wet cotton silk blend shirts stick to you. Ugh. 

After returning home from Reiki class, I found that my little girl had a sore throat and sounded froggy. She was ready for bed and wanted me to read her a story. I didn’t particularly feel like it, but she did take pain medicine like a champ (honestly, she whined and asked for reward points), so we picked out a story. After the story, she walked her fingers on my arm, asking where I was ticklish today. I explained that, today, I didn’t have a tickle spot. I’m grumpy. She then put her fingertips on my head and uttered “Arrrtsch,arrrtsch! There’s a spider on your head and he’s going to eat your grump!” And as the spider crawled on my head, jumped down my arms and tickled my belly, I began to laugh. She had done it. With her little spider, she get rid of my “grump”. She was smiling and laughing, despite her froggy voice and sore throat, and I was smiling now that my “grump” was spider dinner. If she could still be happy despite not feeling well and taking yucky medicine, I should grow up and get over my ornery behavior too. 

Clever idea: Her laughter should be recorded and used as my husband’s alarm! How could I get mad over waking up to that wonderful sound? There’s no way! I would wake up every day with a smile. Sounds like a good way to start the day.

Day 54 Back to School, Ugh

I don’t particularly like school. Oh, I didn’t mind it all that much when I was in school myself, but I’ve grown to loathe it now that my kids are in school. I want summer every day. I want to have an agenda free lifestyle, but I understand that’s just a bit irresponsible. So when I finally got the school supply list yesterday (yes, my school makes us wait until supplies are depleted at the stores before giving us buying power.... they like to make us really work at being parents), I headed out today, with the family in tow, to buy out what was left at the stores.

I’d love to know why some teachers are so brand specific. I’m a Crayola girl and that’s what I like to buy my kids. So when my daughter’s school list specified a 64 box of Crayola crayons was required, I was happy to oblige. However, I don’t understand why it has to be Crayola. Yes, I like the Crayola quality, but what if someone else prefers Rose Art or prefers to buy generic? What if someone has a coupon for a different brand? Do teachers need to actually specify brand for crayons? 

The next one was for markers. The same list specified Mr. Sketch markers. I’ve never even heard of those before and apparently they aren’t sold in many places. Why can’t I just buy my Crayola markers I’ve loved over the years that are stocked readily in the aisle with the 64 box of Crayola crayons? Another trip is needed for that purchase.

On my son’s list, there was the typical irritation. His list specified 3 glue sticks. Have you seen a 3 pack of glue sticks? I’m convinced they don’t exist. So I had to buy 2 packs of 2 glue sticks. Now, you’d think I would be able to use that extra one for my daughter right? She must need glue sticks too, I mean, what elementary student doesn’t?! Well, she needed glue sticks alright, but she required the LARGE glue sticks. Four of them (they’re sold individually)!

Once home, I packed up their backpacks with everything they needed except for the few things I hadn’t been able to find (thank you Mr. Sketch), and hung them up by the door. They don’t start school until September 6th (thank goodness), but it felt good to get that job out of the way, at least most of it. One less thing to worry about.

I do not look forward to sending my kids back to school. We’ve just had such a hard time over the years with my son’s difficulties. I know that once school’s in session again, I’ll be back to three hours of homework, rushing in the morning no matter how early I get up, and daily worry about how my son is handling his day. But for now, the backpacks are ready and that was pretty easy. I’ll take easy as much as I possibly can. I know that I don’t look forward to school, but my kids still do. And that’s amazing to me. After everything my son’s been through, he still gets excited about the beginning of school. That ability to start fresh every year is what I’ll strive for myself. So every time I pass those waiting backpacks, I’ll force a smile until I don’t have actually force it anymore and it comes naturally. Perhaps I’ll meditate thinking of the happy smiles my children will have on their faces that first day of school, wearing those very backpacks, filled to the brim with Crayola, Mr. Sketch and more. I can make myself smile about school... School means smiles, school means smiles, school means smiles.... we’ll see.

Day 51 A Nick and a Cut

I took my son for an overdue haircut. It’s overdue because I wanted it to grow out a bit, you know just so it’s longer on top, but clean cut on the back. No, not a bowl cut or “insert celebrity name here” cut. I don’t want them buzzing anything either. Just trim it up and clean it up. He’s got thick hair and a major cowlick, hence the longer style. If his hair is remotely short, it sticks right up, and there’s no slickin’ it down. 

Now, the interesting thing about this trip wasn’t the haircut itself. It was the tiny, little, itsy bitsy, teensy weensy, miniscule, little (did I say that one already) cut. My little imps (that’s what they become at the mall) find it very difficult to walk together without feeling the need to body check or paw at one another. So it was no surprise to me when my son found a tiny, little, itsy bitsy, teensy weensy, miniscule, little cut from his sister on his . And this happened just before going into the salon.

Oh, the drama kicked up at that point! He was cradling his injured  hand with his other hand, holding out in front him as if it just might fall off. 

Then it hit him... “Hair! What if hair gets on it from the haircut!!” 

Oh good Lord! Seriously? I should’ve seen it coming. He doesn’t love having his haircut because he can’t stand--can’t stand-- feeling the tiny hairs around his neck and getting into his ears and clothes, which is another reason why I don’t want them using clippers on him--scissors only. Seems like the loose hair isn’t so fine that way. 

“Your hand will be under the cape and it will be fine, I assure you.” He wasn’t assured. Even as he sat in the chair, while I explained how I wanted the stylist to do his hair, he was deeply concerned. I could see him fighting back tears of frustration. I knew that if I continued to discuss it, he would lose it. I excused myself to the nail polish area and allowed him to continue on without me. Sometimes, you have to know when to walk away, even if you don’t want to. 

A couple of minutes later, I heard him talking it up with the stylist. She got him out of his shell and yuckin’ it up about who knows what... I’ll never know, because my son never remembers anything when I ask him about it later. When the haircut was over, I was called over to inspect. Looked good, except guess what?! She cut him with the scissors. Just a little cut, but definitely bigger than the tiny, little, itsy bitsy, yada yada cut. Did he complain that there was hair all over it?! Nope. When the stylist asked him if he was okay, did he dramatize it? Nope, he was totally fine with it. Huh? Oh, I’m glad he was fine with it, but I just wish I could figure this stuff out occasionally. 

Can you see the nick? That little red dot down there.. see it. 

Now imagine how small the cut on his hand was!

Another problem with the stylist’s mishap is that my daughter saw that she was right after all! She specifically brought this scenario up when she got her haircut (Day 21 Shock of Hair) and I brushed it off. And today she sees her brother attacked with shears! Why does the universe see fit to prove me wrong in front of my children so frequently? 

Sigh... At least everyone walked out happy... some slightly bleeding.. but happy. That’s enough for me! I’ll smile as I smear on neosporin and hope that the scissors were cleaned after ever use.

Day 49 Destination Walk The Yard

It’s been an uninteresting day for the most part. I was essentially unimpressed throughout most of it, but there were a few highlights. 

I was pleasantly surprised to have my husband show up during his lunch, even if it was just to return a booster seat he accidentally ran off with and to pick up fishing gear. Regardless, I was happy to see him even though it was a short visit. 

Later I spent a good 45 minutes on the treadmill while the offspring enjoyed the kid center at the gym. While I worked out, through the glory of Netflix on my phone, I watched Destination Truth, a SyFy show that I’ve only watched a handful of times.

 

I’m not sure why I landed on that show except maybe because I had to find something quick since I didn’t plan ahead and also because I happen to enjoy listening to Joshua Gates speak. I love his narrations! I actually saw him on an episode or two of Ghosthunters and those were my favorite episodes. So, I watched an episode of Josh searching for a long lost dinosaur and a mermaid *Spoiler Alert -- They don’t find either! Shocking, I know!

After the gym, and a dinner, the kids bickered as usual. But once they were off to bed, I felt like I needed time with my husband. I invited him to take a walk with me... around the yard. Well, we couldn’t really go anywhere with the kids in bed so I improvised. Walking together was something we always did when we were dating and we still enjoy it when we get the chance. I miss those long walks, so I wanted to have a little bit of that tonight. We just made a handful of passes around the yard and talked about whatever was on our mind. It was a welcomed escape!

So while everyday may not have big whoppin’ smiles, I appreciate the moments that did ease my day and take away stress, there’s always plenty of that around. I am grateful for the smaller moments as well...

Day 48 Meditate to Dormancy

A fellow blogger friend of mine has a weekly post entitled Meditation Monday that gently and humorously reminds us to take a moment to relax. While I did read the blog and think to myself That would be nice and all...  but I actually ended up using meditation throughout my evening. And I wasn’t the only one meditating...

I had a Reiki Master class tonight which involved a lengthy meditation. While I greatly enjoyed the meditation, I was pretty tired by the end of the class. Class is 7:00-10:00pm which means that my husband picked up the kids from the gym and picked up the slack with them. Unfortunately for him, it was a rather difficult night. 

My son was particularly short tempered tonight and especially irrationally adamant. For example, on the way home, they stopped at a sub shop for dinner. My son always gets a toasted ham and turkey, bacon, shredded cheddar cheese and mayo sub. My husband doesn’t know that, so it was completely confusing when my son was pointing to the shredded cheese and saying he wanted American cheese. After clearly asking for American cheese and verifying for certain that he wanted American cheese, that’s what was given to my son. Of course, that’s when he finally understood that he really wanted shredded cheddar. Panic and frustration sets in and begins to bubble over. 

*Think of a volcano... ground shaking, lava gurgling, under stress, but hasn’t yet erupted. 

He was upset, but my husband was able to settle him down. There were a few moments like this as the night went on and that volcano crept closer and closer to erupting until finally... 

My husband notifies the kids that it is time to get ready for bed. There’s griping (no surprise here). My son is sent to bed to read quietly. Now, I was at class, but from what I was told, I imagine it went a lot like this...

“But I don’t have my iPod!! I need it to read!!” 

To which I’m sure husband told him to go ahead and get it.

“It’s in Mom’s car and she’s not here!! I can’t go to bed without it!!” 

At which point he walks off and continues to get closer to eruption. 

My daughter displayed amazing (and surprising) heart when she offered up her iPod so he could feel better. He snaps at her and declines. He apparently spends some quality time hitting walls. 

*And we have eruption... 

He’s so upset about all of this that he states that he feels like he’ll die (Oh, the drama... thank you Asperger’s Syndrome). 

*Do you have a metal umbrella, because that lava is really raining down now. 

So that statement completely upsets my daughter and she begins crying as well. And that’s when I came home...

I walked in, greeted by the lovely but heartbroken, tearful face of my daughter who hugged me and explained that her brother said something that would give her nightmares (Yep, they were all awake still). I can hear a heated conversation coming from the kids’ room. As I make my way into the bedroom, I can see that my husband is at the end of his jump rope and my son is utterly overwhelmed. 

I take over, giving my husband a chance to settle down, and calmly explain a few things. “We may want our iPod, but we do not need it. If you feel upset, simply say that you’re upset and need a break. Hitting walls is never tolerated...” yada yada, blah blah blah. Well, he settled down and I put on a meditation mp3 for him to calm down to. He liked it so much he wanted to do another one. 

*Ahh, volcano lies dormant again. 

We may have to continue Meditation Monday around here...

On a side note-- As I tucked in my daughter and gave her kisses, she hugs me and tells me “I really missed you.”  That gave me a big smile and she got an extra long hug tonight!

Day 47 An Itch I Can't Scratch

My sunburn (See Day 44 I Miss My Hugger) is itching like crazy now that it’s healing and I probably look like I have fleas to everyone else. Despite that, I’ve had a good day! I’ve even been laughing at myself while trying to reach that not so easy spot to reach between my shoulder blades!

Our company left this morning which was too soon in my opinion, but we did all get to enjoy a breakfast of French Toast that I didn’t scorch beyond recognition (It’s a MIRACLE!!). Okay, maybe not enjoy, but it was food! Enough said. 

Maybe I could spray some benedryl on my back... If I lean over, spray it in the air behind me, it just might go where I need it. 

When it was time for our friends to leave, I was sad to see them go. I contemplated hiding the kids behind the sofa or some where. One of two things would’ve happened: 1. My friends would have left the kids behind (there’s no way) 2. My friends would have stayed longer (Yep!) 

But I didn’t hoard the kiddies. I let them go and missed them all dearly when they were gone. There’s something so brightening about having toddlers back in the home. I get that itch to have a third child from time to time... an itch.. 

Where’s a Backscratcher when you need one? Oh, yea... He's off fishing somewhere... Rubbing my back up against the couch cushions isn’t working nearly as well... “Hey kids... Come here a sec...” I knew those kids of mine would come in handy!

But the highlight of my evening was my son howling with laughter at a television show. Now, typically, he watches shows that are funny, but he doesn’t realize it. He tends to watch shows such as “Top Gear” which he absorbs all the information from, but doesn’t really get the humor (he does tend to add in a british accent occasionally though which gets me laughing). But tonight, I had put on a DVR’d episode of “The Marriage Ref” and that show flipped his giggle box right over! As a child that I don’t see laugh nearly enough, I could watch this anomaly for hours on end!  

Ahhh... Found my daughter’s butterfly net! I suitable substitute for a backscratcher... That’s better... 

Day 45 This Day Full of Smiles

All week my daughter has asked:

 “When are they going to be here?” 

“And how long is that?” 

“Is that the day right after this day?” 

Tomorrow is often called  “The Day After This Day” aournd here. I’m pretty sure it will be a movie title in the future, at least it sounds like it should be to me.

Today, a.k.a This Day, our guests arrived! We couldn’t have been more excited! Two of my closest friends that I’ve known since ninth grade are visiting us and they have two of the cutest toddlers I’ve ever seen! I have missed having a little one around now that my youngest is six years old. It’s been such fun watching their kids play with mine, seeing the girls dolling themselves up with the dress up clothes, watching my son gather his older tractor and car toys up for the nearly one year old, and laughing through it all as only parents can do. You know what I mean... You laugh because they’re funny, because it’s so cute, and because it’s so ridiculous! 

Once the kids were off to bed, which is no easy task when their routines have been full of such excitement, we adults got a chance to sit by a fire and enjoy a little grown up time. I cold beverage, good conversations, lots of laughs and the enticing flicker of flames from the fire pit are about as good as any vacation you for which you  could leave the house and there’s no comparison to going to a bar. Theres’ something so comforting about sitting around the flames and watching the embers float on up. There’s something so personal when it’s just the few of you. And more importantly, there’s something so soul easing about good company. And on the shallow vanity side of it, I got to slide on my favorite boots and feel about as rustic as I ever will be comfortable feeling. I do love a good pair of boots... So, good friends, amazing kids, a healthy fire, cold drinks and bad ass boots make me smile. Thoroughly good times were had on This Day and I'm sure will continue on through The Day After This Day...

Day 38 Roller Coaster Ride

Oh, I’m so incredibly thankful that my husband had the day off today! I needed a partner today. Well, wanted a partner is more like it and it was great having him around. 

We didn’t have any plans really, but I was able to steal an hour or so to have lunch with a friend that left me with a full, happy belly and a more pleasant mind frame, therefore a happy mama. If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. I'm not sure where that quote originated, but it sure rings true around here! 

Afterwards, the family decided to head out for the day and see what we could find at the store. That short trip led us to another longer trip to a mall we’ve never visited in a town we’d never been through. The little backseat hooligans were at it again. Bicker, taunt, get along briefly, bicker, taunt, get along briefly, and so on for the couple of hours of driving around. And to be honest with you, I’m not sure what was more annoying... constantly dealing with the bickering or me repeating the same things over and over. Talk nicely please. Be patient please. Talk nicely! Be patient! Talk NICELY! Be PATIENT! TALK NICELY!! BE PATIENT!! Seriously, I’ve had ENOUGH! Just stop talking to each other! It was a quieter ride home at least. Even with the car ride having its ups and downs, we had a great time. It was fun checking out a new place and seeing cute little villages we’d never explored before. But speaking of ups and downs, my big smile came later...

My son received a Kynex roller coaster kit for his birthday back in January. He started putting it together around February, but didn’t get far. Hey, he’s a LEGO kid usually, and this is a huge kit with some tough pieces to put together. Wednesday, he had it out again, spread out over my living room floor. He decided to start over and worked on it for about four hours straight. He continued to work on it Thursday during a little spare time here and there and then spent a couple of hours finishing it up tonight. Whenever he encountered a dilemma, he figured it out. When pieces weren’t quite laying right, he did some tweaking. He was so proud of himself and I was thrilled to see him accomplish a task that I think intimidated him. I was also surprised that he kept with the design given to him. He has no problem following the instructions to put projects together, but he just prefers coming up with his own inventions. I was happy to see him stick to the directions (ah, a male that reads directions... makes you wonder at what age do that grow of that?). I have a feeling he’ll be creating something else with these parts before you know it, so of course I took pictures before coaster was dismantled into some sort of battery powered robo vehicle.

For now, I’ll enjoy all my little roller coasters. Whether they’re trips filled with highs and lows or smaller scaled mechanicals taking over my living quarters, I’m appreciative of them all. 

Day 35 Food Fight

Before you get excited, no, we didn’t have an all out food is flying type of food fight. My son and my husband just didn’t seem to agree on dinner and on how much of it should be eaten. 

Preface-- My son has a horrible diet. It takes everything in our power to get him to eat anything that didn’t cluck prior to being turned into nutrition. As for fruit, he sometimes likes bananas, pears and apples. Veggies, hmmm... corn on the cob is about the only thing he’ll eat. Great nutrition, right? We try everything. Veggie pasta with extra veggie sauce, I’ve added vegetable baby food into sauces for pasta and pizza. I’ve switched from fries to sweet potato fries (baked) and all he wants is chicken slathered in ranch. When we eat spinach salads, he can’t swallow the greens. When I serve beef stew, he gags on it. Now, he’ll eat a few things like sandwiches, but he doesn’t run to them. So, now to the story...

Maybe it was our schedule or unexpected cancellation of track that did it. Maybe it was the rain or just maybe it was because he fixated on modeling clay and then I didn’t buy it. Maybe it was that he found out our modeling clay dried up after not being able to buy more. Maybe it really was that he didn’t like what was on his plate. Whatever it was, he was not happy about dinner. He took a look at his plate and declared that he didn’t like peas. My husband explained that he could eat around the peas, but he would need to eat the other vegetables, pasta and chicken. Well, he didn’t like the pasta either. He began to raise his voice to a yell and storm off to put his head into the couch cushions. I was on the phone in another room and I could hear the escalation of frustration. I was not going to get off the phone. My husband could handle this time, he would just have to. With one ear listening to my phone conversation, and my other trying to keep tabs on the battle beginning outside my door, I could make out enough of the issues to know it wasn’t going well. 

By the time I got off the phone, my son was on his bed behind closed doors and his plate was still full on the kitchen table. Apparently, he was told that he would not get any treats after dinner if he didn’t eat what he was asked. Then, he put his clean fork back in the silverware drawer. My husband told him that he wasn’t going to eat, then he might as well go to bed. Now, that was a short description of what actually happened, but what’s important to understand is that my husband stood his ground, and didn’t yell. My son just wasn’t in the right frame of mind tonight. He was so disgruntled and clearly overwhelmed. It took me quite a few tries to get him out of his room and settled down. After my calm suggestions didn’t work, I pulled out the whole there are others less fortunate than you that would love to have this dinner routine (ugh, did I really say that? Of course I did). But after all of that, I was so glad to see him emerge from his blankets and sit at the table. He ate the chicken and while I’m not thrilled that he didn’t eat his pasta or vegetables, I was glad that he pulled himself together. I was happy to see him get past the issue even though it wasn’t the perfect outcome for us. He ended up smiling and trying to perform tricks for his sister. I don’t know... maybe I should’ve put my foot down and had him eat more, but I just didn’t want him going to bed more upset. Instead, he went to bed reading a book to his sister. That’s enough for me, more than enough to smile about...

Side note-- I realize that I will have to retire the phrase “Put my foot down” from my repertoire of articulation. Tonight, while playing UNO with the kids, my daughter was showing her sore loser side and refusing to take on more cards. I expressed that if she didn’t want to play by the rules, she could leave the game. She declared “NO! I’m not going!” to which I replied that “This would be your last warning. I mean it, I’m putting my foot down. I will not allow you play if you’re going to complain the whole time.” As I spoke those words, I could see her expression go from scowl to sly grin to giggle. She mocked me! “I’m putting my foot down!” She says and goes on to tell me how that the turtle in the movie “Over the Hedge” said he was “putting his foot down and he stepped on a squeaky toy and the dog heard it and they were chasing each other and he lost all their food! It was soooo funny!” Guess I’m not putting my foot down anymore.